Some words mean exactly what they look or sound like. (You may not have known the definition of “oompah” the first time you saw it but you somehow knew it involved a tuba.) But other words immediately conjure up something naughty or dirty or sexy when you first read or hear them, only for their actual definitions to shatter those very images to a million pieces.
Sexton
What It Sounds Like: Unit of measurement equaling 2000 sex acts.
What It Means: Person who tends to a churchyard.
Vagitus
What It Sounds Like: The vajayjay, but with a more commanding Roman Empire sound to it.
What It Means: The crying of a newborn baby.
Mastication
What It Sounds Like: The reason your parents are banging on your bedroom door. Or bathroom door. Or why they say you’re not fooling anyone under that blanket.
What It Means: To chew food.
Copula
What It Sounds Like: How to say “copulate” when you’re too busy doing it to even finish saying it.
What It Means: A verb that connects a sentence’s subject to its complement.
Humppa
What It Sounds Like: The funny Italian word for “humping.”
What It Means: The serious Finnish word for a type of national dance music.
Succulometer
What It Sounds Like: A device used to gauge one’s enjoyment or effectiveness.
What It Means: A device used to measure the moisture in processed vegetables.
Musky
What It Sounds Like: Smells like sex
What It Means: Smells like the reddish-brown substance secreted by male deer when marking their territory.
Penetrance
What It Sounds Like: A combination of “penetrate” and “entrance.”
What It Means: The percentage of people with a particular gene mutation who exhibit the disorder that gene creates.
Tittle
What It Sounds Like: You know exactly what it sounds like.
What It Means: The dot over an “i” or “j.”
Coxsackie
What It Sounds Like: The whole package down there.
What It Means: A small town in upstate New York.
