My darling,
I hear you. You love her deeply. You’re happy together. But your sex drives are out of sync, and it’s starting to hurt both of you. She wants you more often, and every time you’re not in the mood, she feels rejected. You, on the other hand, forget how much you actually enjoy her touch until you’re in the middle of it. Sound familiar?
This is so much more common than people admit in lesbian relationships. Different desires, different rhythms… it doesn’t mean the love isn’t there. It just means you need to get creative and honest with each other.
Should you initiate sex even when you’re not really in the mood?
Yes — but only if it feels like a gift, not a chore.
Think of it like this: You know how much she lights up when you touch her. You know how wet and needy she gets for you. Sometimes starting slow — kissing her neck, sliding your hand between her thighs, tasting her — can wake up your own desire. Many of us need a little “warm-up time” before our bodies catch up with our hearts.
It’s not insincere. It’s love in action. It’s saying, “I want to make you feel good even when my body isn’t screaming for it yet.” And very often, once you start touching her, your own hunger comes roaring back.
The real conversation you need to have
Your girl has mentioned opening the relationship. That’s a big, scary thing. Be honest with yourself and with her:
- Are you truly open to her sleeping with other women?
- Is she willing to risk the jealousy and possible pain that might bring?
- Or can the two of you find a way to keep your relationship sacred while still feeding her higher sex drive?
There’s no “right” answer — only the one that feels true for both of you.
Practical, juicy things you can try right now
- Schedule regular “us” time — even if it’s just 30 minutes of slow, intentional touching with no pressure to cum.
- Let her watch you touch yourself sometimes. It can be incredibly hot and help bridge the gap.
- Explore toys together — a good vibrator or strap-on can sometimes help when bodies aren’t quite in sync.
- Flirt with her throughout the day. A dirty text, a lingering kiss, a hand on her ass… these little things keep desire simmering.
Most importantly, keep reminding her (and yourself) that you do desire her. Your lower drive doesn’t mean she’s less sexy. It just means you two express desire differently.
Sex should never feel like pressure or performance. It should feel like coming home to each other — sometimes wild and hungry, sometimes slow and sweet, sometimes just warm skin and soft kisses.
You’ve got this, baby. Talk openly, touch generously, and love fiercely. The desire is still there — it just needs a little help finding its way back to the surface.
With love, Salty Vixen
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