This poem is titled ‘Full Circle” I was bullied a hell of a lot growing up but one person stood strong in my mind, consumed my thoughts for years because I couldn’t understand why. Although years have gone by, just like anyone who has been a victim of bullying, I remember what caused me the lowest self-esteem that I ever had. (he bullied me in 1994) I had to, for years, look into the mirror to convince myself I am beautiful- because he made me feel ugly. I want to say he is a good person I have and always continued to look to up him but the pain of not letting me express myself has been a burden on me. Here is my poem:
Full Circle:
Listen up. I have a lot to say
Don’t shut me down, let me have my words today.
I am tired of things; you continue to consume my thoughts
Panic attacks that comes to the show
curtains drawn, time for me to do my thing
There you are, walking away, disregarding me.
I just needed you to listen instead you shut me out
You didn’t care what I had to say, just said go away
Say nothing move on, don’t think about it that is what I was told
It is all a show. Pretend that is what to do, but in the end it was always about you.
Remember when you called me ugly dog, not realizing how it made me felt?
Tormenting me each school day, telling me not to talk to your friends?
I had zero friends then, my self esteem was low, I hated school and wanted it to end.
Remember telling me to die all because of the girls who didn’t like me told you a lie?
Why didn’t you come to me to find out the truth? Was I not good enough for you?
I liked you. I had a crush on you. You took that and spat on that.
Years went by but then shit hit the fan. You asked if I was okay but once I opened up to say
You told me you didn’t want to listen. All I needed was an ear, I was living in fear.
The burden has been heavy on me, I just wanted to tell you ;but all you wanted me to do was go away
What happened wasn’t okay!
It was never about anything- it was always going full circle to you.
Enough with panic attacks, I need to shine, time for me to be strong and always be kind.
Assertive, you taught me, to not care what other people think you taught me.
But still, I am scared because the thing is still haunting me.
You are a good person but I never understood what I did to you to make you hate me
So much, that you didn’t know I nearly ended my life because of the way you tormented me.
Memories are strong, especially when I am the victim of bullying, why did you treat me this way?
Can’t I have my say? A voice? no. I have to be quiet, be shunned.
I always looked up to you, hoping for a friendship but you never liked me I never knew why.
I just want to be heard so I can end this and finally move on with my life.
You are a good person, I want you to know that but what happen in the past was whack.
I just want to be heard so this comes to full circle.
