I think it’s time for a review of the rules of fuck buddies.* May I point out that the rules for being fuck buddies are entirely different than those of dating someone whose last name you know and whose parents you expect to meet. Again: ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.
The first rule of fuck buddies is you do not talk about fuck buddies.
The second rule of fuck buddies is you DO NOT talk about being fuck buddies.
In front of his friends, in front of your friends, in front of anyone. And god forbid you mention to your parents that you’re “kinda seeing someone” because then you make it sound like you’re seeing more of him than his huge raging cock–and who are you trying to convince of this? yourself or your family? Part of what makes having a fuck buddy so hot is that it just is. No need to discuss and analyze every conversation between the two of you with all your girlfriends. There’s nothing to analyze, or at least there shouldn’t be. A good fuck buddy is a sacred thing. They are hard to find and worth keeping around once you do. Not that that makes him boyfriend material. Like, ever.
Third fule of fuck buddies is someone says Stop, goes limp, taps out, the fucking is over.
And so is your “relationship.” Whether one of you says “We need to stop because I’m developing feelings for you” or “Stop” during sex, you have to respect it. If one of you goes limp (metaphorically and/or literally(more than once)), take the hint and let it be. Part of being fuck buddies is that they are temporary. disposable. Easy to get into, easy to leave.
Fourth rule, never let him think that he’s the only guy you’re seeing.
It doesn’t matter if you’re telling the truth or not, this is your own emotional safety net. Your fuck buddy needs to think that he’s not the only guy you’re seeing, whether it’s fucking or actual dating. It’s easier to get attached to someone when there’s no competition. And keeping an (imaginary or real) second, third guy around keeps your fuck buddy grounded.
Fifth rule, the best fuck buddies are assholes.
Yes, that means you are allowed—encouraged—to go after that super hot guy whom you would never date because he’s such an asshole. Which is exactly why that makes him a perfect contender to be a fuck buddy. By virtue of being an asshole, it’s all the more difficult to uninentionally develop feelings for him. Besides, half the fun of having a fuck buddy is that you can fuck all the guys you’re attracted to but would never ever date: the bad boy with the motorcycle, the meathead jock, the older guy (make sure he’s not married), the It Guy you picked up in a bar, the emo artist, the guy from high school who turned you down ten years ago.
Sixth rule, keep it real.
It’s when you begin hanging out sober/during the day/with mutual friends that actual feelings start to develop and things get complicated. Yes that’s right, affection can fuck up a good casual relationship just like sex can fuck up a good friendship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure couples out there have developed out of fuck buddies, but I have yet to see it.
Seventh rule, fuck buddies will go on as long as they’re good.
It’s not so much a relationship as it is an understanding. Once that understanding begins to dissolve, or one of you begins developing a real relationship with someone else, it’s time to cut him off. You can try keeping them both going as long as is respectable, but I don’t encourage it. There are other reasons to stop–it’s not exciting any more (life is too short for a boring fuck buddy), he’s not that great in bed, or it simply isn’t fun any more.
And the eighth and final rule, if this is your first time with a fuck buddy—you had better know what the fuck you’re doing.
If you want more specific rules, read my details set of rules for fuck buddies (post coming soon)
*not that I have one. Come on, it’s 1am on a Friday night and I’m fucking blogging. —sigh— There have been a couple contenders but they pretty much fucked themselves over. Idiots.
