Let’s stop and think about this, should we be labeling a spouse with a personality disorder if they’ve not been diagnosed with the disorder? Certainly not! A spouse who is an asshole, jerk or shrew isn’t necessarily a narcissist. They may simply be an asshole, jerk, and shrew.
The 17 signs below will help you decide if you are married to a narcissist. These signs and a diagnosis from a psychiatrist or psychologist.
1. They expect you to cater to their every need. It is all about them! They are unavailable and expect you to be on board with that.
2. They are charming. So charming, in fact, that you don’t even notice that you and your needs are low on their list of priorities. They come on so strong with the romance that you miss the manipulation altogether.
3. They are aloof and indifferent and don’t care that it hurts you. They act like they care, they give lip service to being sorry you are hurt but, they don’t care. How do I know? Because they continue to be aloof and indifferent.
4. They will cheat on you, many times.
Over and over again, the narcissist cheats because, unlike common folks, they don’t believe they should be held to other people’s ideas of what is and isn’t ethical behavior.
5. Rules don’t apply to the narcissist. See cheating above. They are above the rules but, they aren’t above judging others for not follow the rules. The narcissist gripe about others, judge others and look down on others but expect full acceptance of their behavior from others.
6. They are forgetful. Let me explain this, they make plans with you and forget. They make promises and forget they made them. They forget to empathize with your problems. They forget everything unless it is something they want or need.
7. They are consummate victims. In an argument, it is always your fault. If they are fired from a job, it’s their bosses fault. If you divorce a narcissist, get ready for them to wallow in pity. Poor, poor pitiful them!
8. They scatter eggshells for you to walk on. Not literally but, if you don’t walk on eggshells, you will pay. Every word you communicate must be measured as not to insult or hurt the narcissist’s feelings.
9. They put forth minimal effort when it comes to keeping the relationship together. They reel you in hook, line and sinker and hand you full responsibility for maintaining the relationship. The narcissist gives you just enough attention to keep you on the ropes and working your butt off for the sake of maintaining what is a very unhealthy relationship.
10. They all deserve academy awards for their acting talent. Talk about an ability to mimic what “normal” people do, they are proficient. They are great at being everything they THINK you need them to be. They are lousy at tuning into what you ACTUALLY need from them.
11. You owe them your loyalty, trust and love for no other reason than they showed up. The narcissist is special, unlike you and I and you are to recognize that. They always feel they deserve better than they give.
12. They hoard conversations, interrupt conversations and only participate in conversations about themselves. Let’s talk about them, how they feel and their problems!
13. They feel boundaries are made to be crossed. You can’t expect a regard for your feelings, thoughts, possessions or physical space. The narcissist takes what he wants, breaks promises and puts no thought into the repercussions on others.
14. They are magnificent, splendid, just down right perfect. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance which is one reason they treat you so badly without a second thought. In their mind, you can’t live without them so, you aren’t going anywhere, regardless of how badly they behave.
15. The narcissist uses you, their children, friends, work colleagues, whoever to get ahead, to cover their butt and to make themselves look good. If the narcissist attaches themselves to you, you have to shine because, in their mind you are a reflection of who they are.
16. They get along with everyone but you. Ugh! Your neighbors love them. The babysitter thinks they are “so nice.” They work hard to win friends and influence people unless those people are in a love relationship with them.
17. They are the center of your attention. You are expected to fulfill their every wish or, suffer their wrath. They have a covert way of letting you know that if you don’t meet their wants and desires they will find someone who will.
Are you married to this person? Did you read the list of traits above and feel sick to your stomach? If so, it is time to formulate a plan that will help you begin to make sense out of the dysfunction in your marriage. Get to a therapist, and take the narcissist along!
