Sure, your bedroom is a sanctuary from all the hustle and bustle the world throws in your direction, and the place where you restore your energies to face another day. But it’s also where romance happens and you reconnect with your partner. Sometimes, however, instead of a place of intimacy, your bedroom seems more like sleeping quarters for roommates. If the spark between you and your spouse needs some rekindling, stop and consider if you are making any of the following six common mistakes in your bedroom.
1. Saying No Too Often
No always means no, and if on occasion you aren’t in the mood, it’s best to ask your partner to take a rain check for another time. But if it’s become a habit to say no, or if you are finding it a struggle to get in the mood, sometimes it’s a good idea to say “Yes,” even if you aren’t initially feeling that way. Very often, you’ll find that once the romance gets started, your libido kicks into gear and your “Yes” becomes a wholehearted, “Mmmm.”
2. Going to Sleep Angry
Your mother – or even your grandmother – probably told you that the secret to a good marriage was never going to bed angry. While that advice is a bit overarching – in a long relationship, there are inevitably going to be times that you are still fuming when bedtime comes around – it’s still basically sound. If you and your partner argue during the evening, and tempers are still hot later that night, it’s better to let tensions cool down overnight than continue a disagreement while you’re both overtired. Before falling asleep, however, be sure to calmly let your partner know that you want to discuss the issue further the next day, remind him that you still care for him very much, and give him a kiss or a touch. This way, you both know the issue is not settled, but neither of you is fuming instead of sleeping.
3. Falling Into a Rut
While there is a lot to praise about familiarity – you both know what the other likes, and have your favorite moves down to a science – sometimes that familiarity turns into a rut. If you don’t need to open your eyes to know what’s coming next, it’s time to add some spice to your bedroom antics. The heat of that spice is up to you and your partner – it might be as mild as simply keeping your eyes open during intimacy instead of letting them close, or as spicy as role-playing or acting out a fantasy. As long as you both are in agreement, have some fun trying a new move or two.
4. Focusing on Electronics
If foreplay has come to mean staring at your individual smartphones or tablets while side-by-side in bed, your love life is in danger of slumping into the doldrums. Electronics in the bedroom – which includes not just phones, but also laptops, television and video games – can be a slippery slope. If you are enjoying a brief electronic interlude together well in advance of sleep or intimacy, electronics are unlikely to be a problem. If, however, checking email, advancing to the next level of Candy Crush or watching the latest episode of your favorite show has become more compelling than romancing your partner, watch out. You’ve slid down the slope into the danger zone. If you can’t keep electronic devices out of the bedroom altogether, then make it a practice to shut them off at least an hour before bedtime.
5. Faking It
While “Fake it ‘til you make it,” might be good advice in many situations outside the bedroom, faking it between the sheets is never a good idea. Not only does it deprive your partner of the opportunity to learn how he can truly please you, but he’s going to feel foolish – and possibly deceived – if he ever finds out that your peak experiences were merely Oscar-worthy performances. If your man needs a lesson in love, the time to teach it is NOT in the heat of the moment, but at a neutral time, and in a gentle, loving way. Before heading to bed, give him some sexy suggestions of things you’d like him to do to you, and once there, make sure to praise him when he gets things right. Most men are eager students, and you’ll soon be able to put your acting days behind you.
6. Not Setting the Mood
Your bedroom plays a powerful part in setting a romantic mood. It’s hard to feel sexy when the bedroom has piles of laundry on the floor, kids jumping on the bed and files from work heaped on the dresser. Instead, create a space that is inviting, romantic and grown up. That means no clutter, no reminders of work, no Fido or Fluffy hogging the bed and no unlocked bedroom door easily opened by a child in search of a nighttime glass of water. You don’t need anything elaborate -- soft sheets, a fragrant candle near the bed and a playlist of your favorite music for lovin’ is more than enough.
