My husband and I have been married for five and a half years. To be honest there isn’t any romance or spice in our marriage. He’s a very shy person and doesn’t like to try anything new or exciting like blindfolds or lotions. I am really struggling for ideas to heat up our relationship and bring romance back into our lives. Can you please help us?
–There’s No Spice!
Dear There’s No Spice!,
When it comes to intimacy, it’s important to respect both partners’ wishes. If he’s uncomfortable in certain situations, make sure to avoid them. This doesn’t mean you can’t still be creative though! There are many ways to get your message across to your partner that you want to try some new things.
First, you can start a couple’s intimate journal. Here you can privately share your thoughts about sex to each other and hopefully avoid awkward moments that he may feel uncomfortable about. In the journal, take turns writing to each other sexy ideas or thoughts about the other person. Once you write in it, it’s his turn.
Another idea you can try is to browse sites with sensual ideas on them, like this one, together. Ask him what he thinks about the idea and if it’d be something he’d be willing to try.
For instant gratification, have each of you make a list of seven of your favorite sensual scenarios. Look over each other’s lists and cross out two that you would rather not do. Number the remaining items one through twelve. Mark one paper with odd numbers and one with even to mix up the lists a bit. Then when you’re ready for some love play, roll a set of dice. Do the scenario that corresponds with the number shown on the dice.
Remember, intimacy is an important aspect of the relationship, but it isn’t always about the sex. It’s usually more about the type of physical contact. You can sometimes achieve the same result just by cuddling on the couch watching a movie. Make sure to include some special moments like these to help you both stay more fulfilled.
XOXOXO,
