I used to think being blocked meant the end. Capital E. Capital N. One minute you’re texting about nothing and everything, and the next minute—poof—you’re staring at a gray bubble like it personally insulted your lineage. Google will tell you this is about childhood wounds, unmet attachment needs, or a mother who hugged too much or not enough. Google will also tell you to “detach with dignity,” which is hilarious advice coming from an internet that survives entirely on notifications.
But after dating The Specimen—an early-50s, kind, emotionally intelligent, internally chaotic, externally quiet man—I’ve learned something Google doesn’t like to admit: sometimes blocking isn’t rejection. Sometimes it’s panic. Sometimes it’s overwhelm. And sometimes, yes, it’s because you turned into an anxious detective with a Wi-Fi connection and too much time.
The Internet’s Favorite Explanation (a.k.a. The Recycled One)
If you’ve ever searched “Why did a fearful avoidant block me?” congratulations—you’ve read the same article 37 times.
The internet says:
- It’s their childhood.
- It’s their attachment wound.
- It’s their fear of intimacy.
- It’s their inability to regulate emotions.
All true. Sometimes.
But here’s what gets left out: people don’t stop evolving after childhood. Adult relationships can absolutely create avoidance. Betrayal can do it. Being taken advantage of can do it. Being the kind one in a world that rewards chaos can do it.
And no one wants to talk about that because it’s harder to diagram.
Enter: The Specimen
For those new here, The Specimen, is my boyfriend, a fearful avoidant man, in my Deep Thinkers Dossier publications and he is what happens when you mix:
- kindness
- emotional depth
- moral values
- and a strong allergy to emotional confrontation
- Fearful avoidants aren’t villains. They’re puzzles. Beautiful, frustrating puzzles who want love but freeze when it shows up unannounced.
Which brings me to…
The Cowardly Lion Theory
If you want to understand fearful avoidants, stop reading psychology blogs and rewatch The Wizard of Oz.
The Cowardly Lion is:
- loud when scared
- affectionate but hesitant
- desperate for courage
- deeply loyal once safe
Sound familiar?
Fearful avoidants aren’t heartless. They’re terrified of doing emotional harm—to themselves or to you. So when things get intense, they don’t fight. They don’t explain. They don’t negotiate.
They disappear. They block. They retreat into Avoidance Land (yes, text your Fearful Avoidant partner when they do their cycle “Ok my love you are in Avoidance Land, I am still here when you return”)
My Breaking Point (August, A Year That Shall Remain Vague)
After nearly two years of intimacy followed by disappearance, I snapped. I did what all deep thinkers do when emotionally under-stimulated and over-confused: I reviewed everything. Texts. Patterns. Timing. Social media. Comments on sports pages. News articles he interacted with while not responding to me.
Nothing humbles you faster than realizing the man who won’t text back has strong opinions about baseball.
I became the anxious texter. The why are you ignoring me texter. The I saw you online texter. And yes—I crossed platforms. Facebook. Private messages. Clarifying emotions that did not need clarifying.
And eventually, he blocked me on Facebook.
I cried. Then I stopped. Then I realized something uncomfortable but important: I had overwhelmed him.
Blocking Isn’t Always Forever
This is where the internet loses nuance. Blocking is not always:
- permanent
- malicious
- punitive
- Sometimes it’s a nervous system reset.
Sometimes it’s self-protection. Sometimes “it’s please stop, I can’t process this right now.”
In my case, the Facebook block did something unexpected—it taught me to sit with my emotions instead of unloading them on someone who didn’t have the bandwidth.
It made me better.
Platforms Matter (Yes, Really)
Here’s something no one tells you:
Fearful avoidants will often block selectively.
- Facebook? Blocked.
- iPhone? Still open.
- Temporary block? Very possible.
- Because blocking isn’t about erasing you—it’s about reducing stimulation.
In fact, I told The Specimen: “If I go into my Deep Thinker anxious loop, block me temporarily.”
He did. It worked. I haven’t been in that loop in a long time. Growth is wild like that.
When Blocking Means Something Else
Now let’s be honest, because I don’t do delusion. Sometimes blocking does mean:
- they found someone new
- they’re hiding something
- they’re married
- they’re lying
I know this because my pen name, Salty Vixen, exists due to a man from my past who reappeared, re-ignited feelings, and conveniently forgot to mention his wife.
So yes—blocking can mean secrecy. Both things can be true.
What NOT to Do (The Anxious Puppy Phase 🐶)
If you want to guarantee a block, here’s the checklist:
- rapid-fire texts
- emotional dissertations
- repeated “are you mad at me?”
- cross-platform messaging
- demanding clarity during shutdown
- Anyone—avoidant or not—would need space.
What Actually Works (According to the Field Research)
Fearful avoidants respond best to:
- humor
- friendship
- lightness
- mirrors, not accusations
I roast avoidance now. I send useless facts. I use fart jokes. I don’t interrogate silence. And shockingly? The connection improved.
Why Deep Thinkers and Fearful Avoidants Attract Each Other
Both live internally rich lives. One processes out loud. One processes in hiding. It’s maddening. It’s magnetic. It’s not for the faint of heart.
Final Monologue
So if , you parter, The Specimen, fearful avoidant person, blocks you, breathe. It may not be the end. Give it time. Read my Deep Thinker’s Dossier publications. That will calm your anxiety. It may be fear, overwhelm, or a nervous system doing parkour. Give it time. Don’t chase. Don’t punish. Don’t self-abandon either. And remember: the Cowardly Lion wasn’t broken. He just needed courage—and a little patience. Just make sure you’re not shrinking yourself while waiting for him to find it.
Yes, my Fearful Avoidant boyfriend and I have been together for two years. I am a Deep Thinker. He is a Fearful Avoidant. I annoy him. He loves me.
