I recently read an article on the New York Times titled “Dating App Burnout” The article was saying what most of us who are looking for love are feeling that dating apps are about money , hookups, liars, scammers and not for the small percentage who are looking for love. I have been on OkCupid, Bumble, Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel and Hinge. I have had dates here and there but most of them were one time meal date because the men were hoping for sex afterwards and when I don’t give in, they come up with a story “you are a lovely person but we are not going to work out”. Translation: I just wanted a hookup, and if sex was good, we would meet again.
I tell my friends the hookup culture is pretty much an STD spreader and we should call it that! Adults forget you can get STDs from oral sex and even when you use a condom- condoms are not 100%. I have friends who work at hospitals and they see a lot of people who go into the ER for STDs. I get it, we are human, we have needs and wants but I am not going to go hookup with random men just to get sex. I was raised a Lady and also I am clean. I want to remain clean and hoping to find that love who wants the same thing I want: a relationship; marriage, happiness.
Swipe right, swipe left and you probably have said the same thing I have said. It is the same people. Nobody wants to meet, people judge on the dating apps and don’t want to get to know the person in person. The virtual dating is better than nothing but alas, as much as we loners are, we are lonely and want intimacy. There is so much masturbating that one can do. Hand get tired and are begging for the other half to help (bad joke lol).
When we feel the dating app burnout, app such as Bumble encourages users to “browse mindfully” and “stay balanced” (by focusing on other interests, like friends, family, work and self-care). A Tinder representative said in an email that the company understands “some members may feel overwhelmed, which is why we continue to develop new features that help people feel safe.” It believes that offerings like Tinder Explore — which allows users to navigate profiles by topics of interest — will give users more control over their search experience.
Then you have people like me, introverts. Introverts often have a harder time asking people out on dates because they tend to be more reserved and introspective, and may not feel as comfortable putting themselves out there. This can be especially true with dating, as the fear of rejection can be intimidating for anyone.
We struggle with dating because meeting new people can be more of a challenge since introverts don't prefer to put themselves in social situations where they have to meet new people. They may also take more time to trust, which often means that their relationships move at a slower pace.
Perhaps dating apps isn’t for the 85% of us who are introverts. I had a friend tell me I should stop doing the pen pal texting and meet as soon as we match. I have done that meeting as soon as we match and while our. Conversations were good, I noticed on those dates- every single one of them, the man wanted to get me drunk. I refused to get wine because I have to drive and also I don’t want to get drunk. Shame on those men who think it is okay to get a woman buzzed or drunk so they can try to get sex on a first date.
For us introverts, we get a recharge from silence and solitude. Texting is easier than calling. It takes us a little bit to open up to people and us introverts tend to gravitate to other introverts. Many introverts try to date extraverts, but those hardly turn into proper relationships and if they do, the relationships are either toxic or end up in divorce.
We love to know that we are appreciated, and are thankful for listening to us. I always say, as long as I made you smile, I am happy. We don’t need much except to be accepted and to be loved and treated right. That is it. So why is it hard for us introverts to find relationships in 2023? Answer is simple, Dating Apps are for speed dating. Pump and dump (hookup), move to the next person. Dating Apps are, for the most part, not for us introverts..
And yet many of us are lonely. I want to point out, there is Loners and lonely. Two different things. We love our space. We love being alone but often, we are lonely and only us introverts understand each other.
That brings me up to the final point. Why did I get into writing Erotica? For many reasons but the main reasons was this- erotica has been therapy for me. I was in several toxic relationships and for me to get over them, erotica has helped. The other main reason is, finding love. I haven’t been able to find love but when I write my fantasy, that takes away the loneliness. I also know my erotica helps others out there who are also lonely on the love world. Why do you think the porn industry makes so much money? Up! Because we are not finding that one, so we fantasize what intimacy is, with reading or listening to erotica or watching porn- Not many people understand those topics and that is fine but it does help.
XOXO, Love,
