How do you tell your heart that it's not supposed to feel for a certain someone anymore? How do you go about finding someone new, when your heart is calling you a traitor the second you think about it? Closure can be a difficult thing for many people to find. It's often as obscure as finding love itself. And, if you truly felt that the person who has departed was THE one, it can make your task of finding closure that more difficult. Like many things worth finding though, it may be difficult, but it's not impossible. When you feel like you'll never move on, or your heart will never love again, try the following ideas to help you find the closure you need and, quite frankly, deserve.
Ceremonial Goodbye
Often closure is difficult to find because a person wasn't given a proper chance to say goodbye or have a say in the ending of the relationship. It is usually much easier for the person breaking up to move on because they came to terms with the decision before even letting you know about it. To give yourself this same opportunity, collect everything that reminds you of your past love together. Put it in a box. At a time where you can have a few hours of privacy, light a candle and go through the items in the box.
As you're lighting the candle, remind yourself that the flame in this relationship has gone out. Know that new flames may come and go, but at one point, a flame so large will come that it will extinguish all past flames. When you're going through the box of items, remember this is a time to acknowledge the past, but keep in mind that it is the past. When you are comfortable, put everything back in the box and blow out your candle. Say a goodbye to your past love and get rid of the box. Give it to a friend, if you want to keep certain mementos for later on. Or, bury it or throw it out somewhere outside of your home.
Tying Up Loose Ends
Was there something you wanted to tell your past love? Are there feelings or words trapped inside of you that you just need to get out? The best way to let these emotions free is by writing them down. Get out a pen and a paper and write a letter to your past love telling them everything you want them to know. Don't leave out anything. When you are done, fold it up and keep it in a special place. Do NOT give it to them. This is for your own personal, emotional release. You can also choose to burn the letter or rip it up as a ceremonial closure.
Looking Towards The Future
If your heart is stuck in the past, its future can't be looking too bright. Instead of focusing on what you've lost, try to change your mental attitude to what you can have. Get a piece of paper and a pen and write down a list of things you can have now that you are single. Then write a list of things you want a future partner to have that your previous partner didn't have. Whenever you're feeling a loss about your past love, look over this list again to help redirect your thoughts.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind
It is next to impossible to get over someone if you're constantly being reminded of them. If you have mementos of your relationship around your home, pack them up and get them out of sight. If you see your past love frequently at certain places, try to avoid them for a while. Similar to the above idea, steer your time and attention to things that help you create a happy life without your past love. Get involved in new groups or activities. Do things you have always wanted to that will keep your mind busy and away from what you're missing. Don't give in to the temptation to let the past be the center of your focus.
The biggest element to finding closure is finding your hope. Hope for the future. Hope for finding someone new who is an even better match than you could have dreamed for. Hope for your own happily, ever after. Once you've lost hope, you've given into the fact that destiny controls you, and not the other way around.
