Surfing the singles scene can be an extremely time consuming and often frustrating pursuit of love, especially if you are unsure about how to make the first step.
While I can't give you a "magic formula" that guarantees success every single time, I can give you some basic guidelines on how to proceed, and hopefully succeed!
When you see someone you would like to ask out, the first barrier you'll need to overcome is actually starting a conversation with them. This stage is a lot easier for women than it is for guys. This is the most tricky area as first impressions count - a lot! Guys are almost always just automatically interested when a girl comes to talk to them. Women, however, are not. They usually make up their mind on whether they want anything to do with you almost before you even open your mouth. Therefore, the first step, and this goes for both males and females, in asking someone out is to be presentable and project confidence.
Presentation and Confidence
People very often make pre-judgements on whether you are, or aren't their type by how you are dressed and how you look overall. If they perceive that you are, for want of better wording, on a lower level than them, it can be a very difficult objection to overcome. One rather extreme example of this would be if you were dressed as a punk with a mohawk, nose ring and all the accessories that go with that image, and you tried to approach a person who was dressed in a fairly expensive business suit that oozed sophistication, it would be very unlikely that you would stand any chance at all with getting to know them. It's not that there is anything wrong with the way that you look, but its more that they don't feel that you are an appropriate "match" for them. The above example really just serves to illustrate a point: approach someone that looks like they may have a something in common with you by their dress and appearance.
The second thing I mentioned above, is confidence. Without it, you are more likely to make a fool out of yourself than start a relationship.
Now that you have selected your "target", the next step is to actually talk to them. The first piece of advice I would give you on this is to forget every "canned" pick up line or approach. The whole thing could fall apart right here if you flub the conversation starter.
Selecting A Conversation Starter
One approach in selecting a conversation starter is to really look at the person and find something interesting about them, and then comment or ask them about it. When doing this, take the time to really notice them. Look at things like their mood and personality. Are they happy and outgoing, or bored and shy? If they are looking around the room, what kind of things catch their eye? Are they wearing something, or carrying something, that would give you a clue about their interests? The better you do this, the better your chances of striking up a really good conversation with them. The more they perceive that you have in common with them, the greater the potential success of your approach, both short and long term!
When you do go and talk to them, however, try to be as original as possible and choose a topic that you have some knowledge and/or interest in. Be careful not to betray your lack of knowledge of what you are talking about or come across as stupid. This is where confidence also plays a huge part. Also, if during the course of the conversation, they ask you a question that you know nothing about, have the confidence in yourself to let them know. Don't try to bluff your way through it.
Another thing to remember is to be yourself. Don't try to impress them by being something you are not, or by showing them something you think they want to see. Show them who you really are. The strongest and deepest bonds are built upon honesty and integrity. People often instinctively know if you are putting on a facade or not. Whether they choose to recognize that they know is another story. However, at some point sooner or later, they will!
Approaching A Person With A Group Of Friends
If you are in a bar or club, the person you are interested in is very often with a group of friends. The introduction of a group of friends makes things a little trickier 🙂 The potential for embarrassment is obviously a lot higher than when you are approaching someone on their own and the group interaction adds a few more variables into the equation.
The ideal situation would be to pick your moment carefully, when the person is alone, or at least when they are slightly separated from the rest of the group, even if it is only by a foot or so. Good timing is a distinct advantage here, as you also want to make sure that you do not interrupt something they are saying, or listening to. If such a moment does not readily present itself, then you may have to go in and introduce yourself in front of, or to the group as a whole. If that is the case, then survey the group and select some conversation starters as before. Also, don't be afraid to talk to the group as a whole. Bear in mind that if it doesn't work out with the person you were originally interested in talking to, there maybe someone else in the group that is a better match for you.
Now, I know this is not going to be easy at first and it is something you are bound to make mistakes with. As with most things worthwhile, however, practice does improve results. Don't be afraid to go in and fall flat on your face a few times. Whatever happens, surely it is better than to not have made a move and wonder what might have been?
