Dear Salty Vixen,
I have been communicating with another bi-girl for quite some time and find her to be the most ideal out of all my past female partners and encounters. She is so naturally striking and unlike any woman I have ever met. She has proven to be someone I connect with emotionally. I can share all my thoughts with her and she truly cares about what I have to say.
Maybe I am getting ahead of myself, but I do not know how to handle my feelings. I have never been so enamored with a woman like I am with her. Not too long ago, while gushing about her to my man, I blurted out that I loved her.
I think I am in love with her which is my greatest fear. In my past, I have had very negative relationships and encounters with women. It scares me, because I never felt like this about any other person except for my man.
I have no idea where to go from here. We are really great friends and I do not want to tarnish that. At the same time, I feel this agonizing lump in my tummy every time we talk. This is far from my territory and I have no idea what to do next. As a well seasoned bi-girl, can you please walk me through this….???
XOXOXOXO
In Love & Terrified
Dear In Love & Terrified,
First of all, congratulations on having an open, honest, and loving relationship with your man. How sweet it was to imagine you in his arms, blurting out your love for your new lover, and sharing your fear that she might break your heart. He is a wonderful man to be so understanding during your new love affair, and you are lucky to have such a loving partner.
1. CAN YOU BE IN LOVE BEFORE YOU’VE MET?
From your letter, it seems like the two of you have been “communicating” which loosely translated means you have never met in person. It is incredibly easy to have a magnificent love affair over the internet or the phone, because your imagination is involved. Since you have not met the girl in person, you only know her through her written and spoken words. Any details left out, your imagination fills in with a romantic image of your lover. Before meeting, it is easy to believe she is the most perfect female partner ever - and she may just be. But until you have met, you are not in love with her. You are, however, deeply, marvelously, passionately infatuated with her, which is different.
2. IS FRIENDSHIP BETTER THAN THE RISK OF A BROKEN HEART?
Many baby bi-girls worry that if they let themselves fall in love with their friend that they will ruin the friendship. The question you have to ask yourself is this - when you look back at this time ten years from now, will you be happy or sad that you risked your heart for love? If she is indeed a bi-girl like you - and you met because you were both seeking the same perfect love affair - do not blow a fantastic connection for friendship’s sake. Most bi-girls who meet and connect strongly, care about maintaining the friendship when the love affair dies down. If you give her honesty and respect, and love her madly, she will want to be your friend in the end, no matter what happens emotionally and sexually.
3. THE FIRST TIME YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL IT IS POWERFUL
An established bi-girl friend of mine once said, “I’ll never date a girl-virgin again. I can’t deal with them falling in love and getting all crazy and possessive.” It is true. The first time you fall in love with a girl is very much like the first time you fall in love with a man. It is nearly impossible to avoid giving your heart to her and becoming a silly fourteen year-old girl again. But here is the thing to remember: the first time should be a powerful emotional experience. Perhaps it will end with some pain, but it may just end naturally and calmly. The point is this, dear In Love & Terrified, you are already giving this girl your heart. If she is ready to give you hers, I say dive in and prepare to feel all the ups and downs of new love. Remember, it is a journey and it will not last forever - you both already have primary male partners. So love, but be wise and remember no matter how wonderful the affair, it will have an expiration date.
4. WHERE DO YOU GO FROM HERE?
Darling, girl, it is time to be brave and ask your lover out on a real date. Bring her flowers, wear a really cute, sexy outfit and have fun. Let her know what you are nervous about and what concerns you. Be sincere and be your wonderful self. Know that she will be as nervous as you are so make her feel comfortable by telling her why she is so different from the other women you have met before. Share how surprised you are by the connection and by how easy it is to talk with her. Flirt with the eyes and make sure to listen. Trust yourself and you will know the right thing to say and do at the right time.
5. MAKE SURE TO PASSIONATELY LOVE YOUR MAN AS YOU TELL HIM EVERY DETAIL
And, of course, after your date, make sure to share your love affair with your marvelous man. Share every sexy detail and tell him how loved he is and how amazing he is to support your sexual exploration. Then throw him down and make mad love to him. The best part about having a lover, is returning home to the deeper love you share with your partner.
XOXOXO,
