Listen up, fellow humans of Mesopotamia (or as we call ourselves, the "Cool Animals").
This new "Music" thing has been a massive success for the past two years. Frankly, when An-Bakoul-Rakhaazah first pitched the idea at HumanCon, I was skeptical; I mean, "notes" and "tones" and "not just saying words but saying them in this dumb specific way"? It sounded ridiculous. His sand presentation was a mess! Even the friggin' God of Grain was rolling his ten eyes (his head is five crows).
But who knew! Music is a hit after all. SUCH a hit, in fact, that I come before you all today to pitch a new idea for a companion activity to Music. I call it: "Moving Fucking Randomly".
In "Moving Fucking Randomly" (or "MFR"), whenever music is playing, we all get together and kind of like, move around and stuff, using our legs and/or arms and sometimes heads and really just any part of your body. And it doesn't have to be random, you can move back and forth to the "beat," by like, going left and then right every time one of the canvaspunchers insults the Lord of Silence with his Fist-Poundy-Instrument. And then you just keep doing that over and over with other people, and perhaps it shall lead to procreation. It is that simple!
Let's try it! Yizquenquennizzlalu-Krak, play us some music! Something classic from the first year of Music's existence, none of that shitty music of today. Alright, everyone hear the "beat"? Everyone feel the music in their spirit chambers? Ok, annnnnnnnddddddd, start moving randomly!
Wait, wait, stop, no, everybody stop. Wow, Lugalkaim-Nin-Baraah, you look RIDICULOUS. I mean, I know we're all new to this, but you're just flailing your arms around like a fool, you have to do it, like, better than that. You're supposed to look all cool and confident and also have it somehow be fun! And Ramshes-il-Iquillam, you were moving randomly WAY too close to Arwai-nin-Dadah. She clearly hates that, and it makes you look like a total creep. Arwai, you actually looked pretty good! No, I'm not just saying that because you're a girl, you actually somehow did it better than the guys, even though it was basically the same stuff. Hm? No, I don't know how that works, but you just did it better, I can't explain it.
Alright, let's try this again – hit it, Yiz! Oh good! A song everyone knows the words to, "Do Not Stop Believing In The Bull-Horned Demon With Second Sight"! Remember, if you're having trouble moving randomly without feeling stupid, you can always stop moving randomly for a bit and sing the words of the song at the same time as the musicians. Nooo, Rhish-Shalim-Pa, you can't just totally stop moving. Wait, you're not even singing! You're just moving your mouth and hoping no one can hear the difference. Damn this music's loud. Nooo, Lualkaim, stop pointing, you look stupid. STOP SNAPPING, you look stupid. NO DON'T SPIN AROUND!!! Stop the music, stop the music. Ughhhh.
Guys, this totally isn't working. Other than Arwai and her one group of friends, and that one dick over there with the hat, you all look like total morons, even after I dimmed all the torches. Sighhhhhh. Maybe I was dumb to think this would catch on after all, I guess it's pretty unnatural and hard to do it without feeling self-conscious the whole time. I mean, I guess if there were some way to—
Wait a minute…WAIT A MINUTE… YES! I JUST HAD AN IDEA! Everyone come back and listen for a second! Ok, hear me out.
Remember the other day when we drank those fermented liquids and we all got real happy and stupid? Now, what if…
