There’s still a lot we don’t know about women and their porn-watching habits, especially because of the stigma that tends to surround their sexuality and expressiveness, leading less women to be honest about if and what they watch. I am a woman and yes I watch porn. All women do, just like men. In fact, I remember in college (I went to University of Western Ontario in Ontario Canada back in 1999) I went to Kirby's dorm room. He was with 5 other dudes packed in the room watching porn together. They were straight for those who were asking. I thought it was funny they were watching porn together that I brought 3 of my female friends into the room. Kirby said "this isn't for women" I said "us women like porn too".
And the porn they were watching was from the 1980s, as internet was VERY slow back in 1999. So imagine that picture (here is an example, this image comes from 1992): [ I wonder what Kirby is up to these days?]
So I decided it was time to talk to some ladies about their relationships with porn and what—if anything—porn does for them. I surveyed 25 women ranging aged 22-35, single as fuck to married with children. Here’s what I discovered.
1. All of them watch
Out of all of the women I asked, not of them said that they don’t at least occasionally watch some version of pornographic material. While some watched more than others, “I watch when my roommates aren’t home or if it’s late at night and I can’t fall asleep… so pretty much every day” they all admitted to consuming at least one naughty flick a month.
“Ughh, I hate it, and think it’s disgusting, and judge everyone who watches it, and at the same time it’s my guilty pleasure and I secretly want to do everything I see and have all the dicks.”
2. Many don’t love the execution
Despite actively tuning in, almost all of them admitted they don’t like what porn tends to symbolize and the way women often get represented in pornographic films. Most of them agreed that it was a turn-off to see women being demeaned or abused.
As one woman put it, “If it’s exploiting women not cool, but if it’s fair trade porn… (laughs) then okay.”
But most of all, it was that the women in these films weren’t truly enjoying themselves, feeling cherished, or getting off—something that most women value out of a sexual relationship and become aroused by.
“Where are all the REAL female orgasms? I’d be more inclined to watch it if there were more for women, rather than that pathetic one category. I mean, I want to see from the woman’s perspective of a dude going down on her, as the camera angle of a blow job isn’t realistic, I don’t have a dick so that doesn’t do it for me. Plus, you don’t come from ten seconds of a dude eating your pussy, that sometimes takes a solid 20 minutes.”
3. The type of porn matters most
The biggest determining factor in frequency was the kind of porn a site offers. One woman told me, “I love massage porn. Mostly lesbian because it’s slower and more realistic… I typically gravitate toward lesbian porn because I don’t like seeing women who are objectified.”
Another woman told me that, “My feelings are mixed because I love really raunchy stuff, like gang bangs, but at the same time hate it because I know the woman isn’t actually being worshipped and loved, which is what I fantasize about, she’s being used. The intention behind it is what makes it either hot or unsettling. Like, if I knew they all loved her and were her bros who were buying her beers or reciting movie quotes with her, I would feel better about watching it.”
4. The future… could be better
“They need more female porn directors, who actually understand what women want and how to convey some sort of emotional connection or friendship alongside rough sex. That would be much more realistic for me and I would tune in every week the same way I watch Peaky Blinders.”
What I learned, it seems, is that women love sex and enjoy porn (duh) but value the context. If porn continues to share sexual fantasies and raunchy romps solely from the perspective of a man as receiver of pleasure, while women are exclusively an instrument, we’re going to be hard-pressed to dive into the world of porn with enthusiasm.
and p.s. one final thought, I dated a guy, and I told him I watched porn. he was shocked I watched it and then he said he never watches it. If a guy says they don't watch porn, know this, they are lying...
