Dear Salty Vixe, Three months ago my fiance and I were having problems. I love him dearly, but I was at my breaking point and cheated on him with our room mate. My fiance is giving me a second chance. I realize that I was an idiot and had no right cheating on him. I am tired of hearing, "If you loved him you wouldn't have cheated on him!" That isn't true. I don't know why I did it, but I have let it go. I am trying everything I possibly can to regain my boyfriend's trust and love, but it seems like everything I do isn't the right thing or isn't enough. He keeps bringing it back up to me.
Recently our room mate has found a new friend who thinks it is OK to flirt with every guy in the house. I get extremely jealous, especially now, because my boyfriend thinks getting back at me through spending a meaningless night with someone will make things better. It won't.
I am a very big-hearted person. I care much more than I should. With my boyfriend he gets anything he wants. I don't care about the money. I don't care about how big it is...just the satisfaction of his gorgeous smile and his way of saying thank you. I don't get much in return and it never bothered me until recently. We've been together for two years and the little things he does are wonderful...but the little things are dwindling. We don't even kiss anymore, which I love to do. We just make love or he gets pleasured. When I ask for some pleasure in return he comes back with it's not all about you. I give and give and give and all I want back is a nice kiss here and there. I don't ask for much.
How do I show him how deeply I love him? Everything I have tried isn't working. I've tried everything from poems to private strip shows to massages, and I don't think he gets it. Once he said that he felt smothered. I have backed off with all the attention I give him, but I am very affectionate and he is very sexual. PLEASE HELP! My heart is going crazy. I love him so very, very much! -Helpless Heart
Dear Helpless Heart,
You're probably not going to like hearing this, but I think it may be time to move on. For many couples, infidelity is just something they can't get past. In order to get past and grow from the situation both people involved have to want to make it happen. In your situation you seem to be the only one trying. Having an affair doesn't automatically make one person continually wrong. Unfortunately, that is how your boyfriend is relaying the situation.
It isn't going to help the situation, and is incredibly damaging to yourself and your spirit. You cannot remain in a relationship where you feel you have to prove yourself at every corner. All you are accomplishing by this is compromising your own personal integrity. Look at the situation honestly. You obviously had enough problems to have considered cheating, let alone actually go through with it. The problems aren't decreasing, they are actually increasing. No amount of love on your part is going to change what is going on. For love to be boundless it has to be equally reciprocated.
