📖 6 mins read

I spoke about bullying that I had endured in this article.. I didn’t speak about the other things that pushed me to the edge, which is the following:

Sexual coercion, when someone pressures into having sex with them. The person may persistently ask for sex to wear someone down, use guilt or a sense of obligation to get what they want, or trick someone by lying.- this was the final straw that pushed me over the edge and that is all I will say on that. Remember, Salty Vixen, say nothing. keep quiet. What I was told. I will call all Mystery Men. No names given, secrets will be safe.

Sexual assault-that was 18 June 2004, at a polo club, at 10:45 PM on the grandstands. (His best mate did sexual coercion to me by trying to get me drunk- vodka straight up). He knew I was drunk and his mate took advantage of me. I couldn’t report it because dude’s word against mine. Nobody would listen to me.

When someone told another dude “give her what she has always wanted” and leaves the dude so I have to drive him home. I will leave it at there. He was going to give me my fantasy- yep. like kissing him was my fantasy, not sex and I was never going to have sex with him. I have said many times, I don’t do hookups and I freaked out during our makeout session knowing that is what he wanted.

Abuse from my now ex-husband. One of the many things he did was take sex away as punishment, which promoted me to go into a depression and then Mr. Mystery Man got into my life, for sexting….

The sexting dude was hot and amazing and yes I do miss it but the situation wasn’t ideal and I know it was just a placebo affect, only for him to get a quickie and when the shit hit the fan and ended that is what pushed me over the edge. I still remember the last words we said, he said “you wanted it, you wanted it.” I said “I never wanted it like this. I wanted romance, not to be used as a plaything.”. those were the last words we spoke on the phone before I was told never to speak of this again. I get anxiety whenever I think about this. This is the one who pushed me to my limit. To the edge. I was fucking done. Truth is, he was the only person I ever know that I had really deep feelings for him so getting over it was and still is hard. The only thing I do is pretend and write fantasies and that helps me heaps.

and what fucking sucks is not one person asked how I FELT. NOT ONE FUCKING PERSON! and I will leave it at that.- I was labeled as it was my fault because sexting dude lied and made me the one who looked bad. I have forgiven all of the people over the years but still questions that I will never understand is why the fuck do the men do this???

Read this hot story:

6 Bad Mood Busters

The root of “Salty Vixen” comes from when I was bullied but the character that makes up Salty Vixen? That comes from what happened in 2004 England up until sexting dude. I got pushed over my edge. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell anyone. Nobody would listen to me. (Common theme, don’t talk. Say nothing. Nobody to listen)- article continues after the video…

@saltyvixenlove #toxicrelationship ♬ origineel geluid – Facts as always

I was told to stay quiet. I was told to never speak up. I was threatened by all. So Salty Vixen came to be, here I am – becoming the chick they all wanted, fun, sexy….

But in realty, I am hurting because I am the secret holder and couldn’t say jack shit.

After I let the anger swim away, I became less angry and became myself and got to enjoy writing smutty stories. I enjoy being Salty Vixen.

Salty Vixen means I am smart , amazing, beautiful and confident. Everyone has been a Vixen in a Salty situation at some point. That is why “Salty Vixen”

Did I see a therapist after all this? Yep. Therapist did nothing. She saw my writing and told me my outlet is writing erotica and to continue it. I now have 2K published works, both my website and elsewhere. I write for my fans. And I have become an established author.

As I write this, I am having a slight panic attack thinking the dudes will read this blog. Don’t worry I will keep your secrets. I have for years. These were some of the things- a lot of shit happened over the years that I never spoke of because bullies get away with shit and make people feel small.

So in a nutshell I earned this fucking pen name, Salty Vixen. And you know what fucking sucks? Nobody would listen at all. I was forced to keep quiet. So writing is my outlet and a way to express myself turn negative into positive.

FYI: What are long term outcomes of peer rejection and bullying?

In the short-term, these children often experience loneliness, low self-esteem, and social anxiety. Long-term consequences include poor academic performance (yep! I gave up on school- I learned more at home and gave up on studying. funny thing is in college I got Straight A’s in advanced math classes and in high school I didn’t give a shit about doing work, I was worried if I dressed right, if I looked pretty.. will the guy give me time of the day, will the mean girls stop being mean to me. Will I actually make a friend?) and mental health problems, particularly externalizing ones, in adolescence and adulthood.

Also:

How does sexual assault affect your life?

Survivors may have somatic (body) complaints, eating disturbances, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, and physical symptoms related to areas on their body affected by assault. Emotional. Survivors may be very expressive (anger, sadness), disoriented (disbelief, denial), or controlled (distant, calm).

But don’t worry my friends, All of your secrets will always stay with me. Because who would believe me?