Dear Salty Vixen, Okay, lately I’ve had trouble communicating with my live-in boyfriend. I admit I haven’t been very nice these days. The problem is that I can’t figure out why. I feel so frustrated at times for no real reason. This makes me feel terrible about myself. We recently talked about it, but I’m scared that I’ll do again. This seems to be a regular thing for me to do with people I live with. I want to stop. I want to be happy and have the people around me to be happy too. I am ashamed of my behavior. I’d like some advice on what I can do to change this behavior. I really do love him and I don’t want to ruin the love we have. -Frustrated With Myself
Dear Frustrated With Myself,
It may be time to take a look at what is really going on. Often we can find ourselves blaming other people for our own problems and feelings about our self-worth. Take a look at what you are saying to your boyfriend. Chances are they are really what you are feeling about yourself. You can’t change yourself or make yourself feel better by trying to change someone else.
Stressing about why you are feeling the way you are isn’t going to solve anything, either. In these types of situation the “why” is the trap. It doesn’t help you feel any better. It just makes you stuck thinking about things that are wrong with you. How can you feel any better when you’re constantly thinking negative things about yourself?
The solution to your problem can be found fairly easily, IF you are being true to yourself. When you start to feel this way again try following some of these suggestions.
–Take a 20 minute walk, EVERYDAY! Look at your surroundings; notice the changes in the environment around you. The point of this is to give yourself some time away from focusing on your problems and shifting your attention to what is outside and not inside. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to give someone else advice on their problems than it is to solve your own? That is because it is difficult to see your own problems from an outside viewpoint and this exercise will help you clear your mind and take a fresh look at your problems.
–Next, focus on what areas of your life you are not doing so well on. Have you made promises you’re not keeping? Are white lies building up? Are you giving your all at work? Write down everything you feel you should be doing better. Then make a pledge regarding each one as to how you can make things right.
–Start finishing uncompleted cycles. Write a list of everything you have started that you haven’t finished. One by one, and I do mean one thing at a time, do the things on your list. Just finishing the first thing on the list will make you feel so much better.
–Be honest about who you are and what you are doing. Nothing is more important than your integrity. It’s fine to make mistakes, just be honest about what happened and truly strive to be a better person for yourself, not other people. Happiness can only come when you are content with who you are as a person. Remember, you will always have days where you feel down or discontented. Instead of trying to “make it better,” just relax and take time out for yourself. Tomorrow is always another day.
XOXO,
