Dear Salty Vixen, My boyfriend wants me to masturbate in front of him, but I feel too nervous to do it, even though I want to. What can I do?" - Shy Chick
Dear Shy Chick,
Your guy certainly isn’t alone when he comes to being turned on by watching a woman pleasure herself; in my experience it would rate as one of the biggest turn-on’s a man can have.
As a woman it is a very powerful and satisfying feeling to be able to provide so much joy for your man without actually laying a single finger on him; also many of us have an inner exhibitionist just crying to get out.
Having said that though, I can understand you feeling a little reticent to perform for him, especially if you have grown up in an environment or society where masturbation has been frowned on, or is considered shameful (and generally speaking, where isn’t it?).
Other reasons might include being uncomfortable with your body image, not having confidence in your masturbation technique, having some insecurities in your relationship or perhaps deep down it just doesn’t feel right to you (which is perfectly okay too…everyone has different things that work and don’t work for them).
The good news is that most of those hurdles can be overcome with some patience and practice, and not one of them is uncommon to women all over the world so you are not alone. Self help books or programs, counseling and some determined persistence and courage can help you overcome many of these issues.
What I want to focus on in this column, however, is on overcoming basic shyness and giving you some step-by-step techniques to increase your confidence when it comes to masturbating in front of your man (since you mention it is something you want to try). Here are a few ideas for you:
• When you feel the situation arising, tell your boyfriend to meet you in the bedroom in 15 minutes. Head in there alone, and make sure the environment is absolutely comfortable for you to be able to relax in. Consider the temperature, fragrances, ambience, cleanliness…it might be a good idea to do some proper prior preparation earlier in the day so that you don’t have to mess around too much with this when passion is upon you.
Get comfy on the bed and start to masturbate on your own. Really unwind and let yourself get swept up in those amazing feelings, fantasize if you need to, use some toys…whatever works best for you (and hopefully you know what those things are!).
Then when your man does make his grand entrance, you should already be nice and warmed up (preferably cooking with gas!) and feeling less awkward than you would if you were starting from scratch. Also, he gets the insanely erotic vision of walking into the room to find you doing what he craves…I’m turned on just thinking about it!
• Start to incorporate some masturbation during your actual lovemaking. Play with your nipples, massage your clit or even just sensually stroke yourself if you aren’t doing this already whilst having sex.
I think there is a natural tendency for many women to do this anyway.
The point is to normalize the self-pleasuring in the presence of your partner so that it becomes more comfortable for you. In a similar way to the first point, because your passion and emotions are well and truly worked up while you are fucking, it will be less of a conscious thing for you to do.
• Does the thought of seeing your boyfriend masturbate turn you on? I love watching a man work his own cock; they get so into it, and you can tell how good it feels by the intense looks on their faces. It really is a very sexy sight to behold if you haven’t enjoyed it previously, and you might even pick up a tip or two on what feels extra good for him.
How about saying to your guy that you would feel more comfortable masturbating in front of him if he would do the same for you? If he agrees, here’s a good pointer. Don’t try it facing each other; lay next to each other propped up on your bed. This removes the pressure and will make you feel less on show, while you can still have a clear and sexy view of your partner.
Mutual masturbation is a lot of fun, and it is something I recommend for all couples to add a little spice to your sex life because of the feelings of increased intimacy and gentle exhibitionism.
• Another great idea is for both of you to be naked on your bed, with you laying back onto his chest, between his legs and into his arms. Let him cuddle you, snuggle you, give you hot kisses and maybe a little dirty talk whispered into your ear. There is no better feeling than being wrapped up like this; you feel secure and loved and it is a definite turn-on for most women.
When you are in this position, have him reach around to cup and gently start playing with your breasts. Enjoy the feeling, wiggle around against his chest and let your soft moans flow. Have him keep up the kissing and dirty talk. It’s a very hot situation, wouldn’t you say?
Whilst he is doing these things for you, slowly reach down and begin to touch yourself. Chances are it is going to feel so good that you won’t even be conscious of the fact that you are in fact masturbating in front of him, and he will love being part of the show. You won’t believe how intimate this type of position is, and your feelings of closeness and sexual confidence will blow through the roof. Caressing yourself like this will feel like the most natural thing in the world.
I hope some of those little pointers are of use to you. If you give them a go, I am sure they will help add a new and sexy dimension to your love life. And when this growth happens naturally and comfortably, your relationship as a whole will surely benefit.
Embrace your ability to pleasure yourself, and rejoice in the fact that this brings your partner pleasure in turn. Happy masturbating!!
XOXO,
