Dear Salty Vixen,
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now and he is pushing hard for a threesome. It’s not that I don’t want to try it… I am just shy and a little insecure. I am afraid of being the “odd girl out”. I have always been attracted to women, their shapes and smells… but I have never been past the heavy petting stage. I know that this threesome thing would be fun and that my boyfriend would love it, but how do I get over my inhibitions and just have fun? Any suggestions would be welcomed.
Wallflower
Dearest Wallflower,
A friend of mine, Kairrie told me several years ago a description she had with her man before their first threesome. This was not Kairrie’s first group experience. She had been the “guest star” with other couples before, but this was the first time she and her man would invite a lover into their bed. Kairrie asked a foxy friend of hers if she would be up for a night of decadent fun with them, and the friend agreed. Having set the date, Kairrie’s man had many questions for her about the upcoming date.
“Is it all right if I kiss her,” he asked Kairrie.
Kairrie said, of course!
“Alright,” he said. “Now, for the big question. How would you feel if I came in her?”
TALK IN EXPLICIT DETAIL ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN DURING THE THREESOME
I mention this conversation for one main reason. The way to avoid feeling left out is quite simple. Have clear, detailed conversations with your man about what will happen during the threesome. Is it alright if he kisses her? Is it alright if he pleases her orally, or is it only you who will please her? Would you enjoy going down on your man with her? Would it be fun for both of you to please her at the same time with your four hands? Go through every scenario you can think of with your man and fantasize together. The more you talk about ways you can please her together, the less likely anyone will feel left out.
HOW TO “GET OVER” ANY INHIBITIONS
It is your first time and it is perfectly natural that you feel nervous and have inhibitions. The more you talk about the first time during sexual play with your partner, the more you can both get turned on together and help each other be ready for the first actual experience.
If you are worried the girl will not be into you, know that ALL girls worry about this. Your lover will probably be worried that she is not as attractive as you are, because all girls, even the prettiest ones, worry that they are not attractive. The more attention and love you give the other girl, the more she will be relaxed with both of you. The invited lover will need you to make her feel comfortable, and by focusing on her, you will feel less nervous.
Reading erotica is a way to get over inhibitions because you realize you are not the only one with these desires and it will teach you a few tips. Finding a bi-girl friend to talk with in your area is another way you can eliminate fears - by acknowledging them, learning tips to avoid jealousy, and feeling better about yourself, your relationship, and your sensual desires.
THE FIRST THREESOME DOES NOT HAVE TO GO “ALL THE WAY”
Many girls get skittish about having a threesome because they do not want their man to penetrate another woman. This is completely natural and totally acceptable. Many women who join couples do not necessarily want to be penetrated by the other girl’s man, at least the first time. If your man does not understand this, or feels that he “must” penetrate both of you to be satisfied, he is not ready for a group situation. He needs to respect your feelings and should not introduce any sexual elements that are not okay with you first. Remember, a threesome is about bringing the two of you closer together while inviting another lucky soul into the love you share.
IF GUYS DIDN’T “PUSH HARD” FOR SEX, MOST OF US WOULD BE VIRGINS
Now, I know this may sound shocking, but if men did not push girls into sex, we might all be middle-aged virgins wondering what the fuss was about. The question is, is your man pushing you in a good way or in a bad way? Many women have fantasies of being with other women, but do not know how to make the first move or are too scared to. If this is the case, dear Wallflower, and your man is pushing you in a good way, helping you get over your fears and make a real move towards finding a lover, then I have no problem with it. I had a friend who was scared to death of going up to a girl and kissing her, but wanted to desperately. One night at a club, her man got a few drinks in her and told her she had to go over and kiss the girl she was flirting with earlier. She said no, he said yes. He said yes again, more sternly this time, and she felt she “had to kiss her.” She went over to her, told the girl she thought she was pretty and asked if she could kiss her. To her delight, the girl said yes, and they kissed. After, she was euphoric and grateful to her man for “pushing her” just enough.
IF HE’S “PUSHING HARD” AND YOU ARE NOT READY, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
If you are insecure in your relationship and do not trust him to follow the rules you established before the threesome, you two are not ready for a group experience. If he really loves you, he will wait until you are both ready for the experience. As I have written before in the blog, Is Your Man a Deal-Breaker, if he is pushing for penetration with your new lover and does not understand why that should wait, he may not be ready.
XOXO,
