Entertainment:
Weapons
Paintball is an excellent way to pull the trigger on all the pent-up anxiety one feels about hitching one’s wagon to one woman for the rest of one’s life. It also appeases the man’s eternal need to conquer and control land and people. This is especially true in a time of the groom’s life when he’s feeling more domesticated than ever. Surely no woman can contain his warrior spirit even if it is fired at 300 fps in neon pink.
The best paintballin the nation is to be had at Skirmish USA. It’s got 48 fields spread over 700 acres including a tournament complex and a speedball arena. Unfortunately, it is located at 211 North Meckesville Road, Albrightsville, PA. If that sounds familiar, good. That means you probably don’t live in a very boring corner of Pennsylvania. Unless shooting your friends is the focus of your party (not an altogether bad idea), these other, more location-friendly fields should serve your needs well: Las Vegas Premier Paintball.
Fast Cars
Some people feel the need. Some of those people die very young or are so horribly maimed that, reasonably, they’ll never be in a happy marriage. You read Made Man, so you’re probably put together enough to know that a better option is a one-day performance driving school. There, they’ll get you behind the wheel of some dangerously fast machines, and then teach you to maneuver them in a slightly less dangerous manner. It can get a little pricey (high hundreds, low thousands per head), but some people just feel right going fast.
Bobby Ore school: If you want to learn a variety of techniques from law enforcement training to stunt driving, try the
Rock and Roll
Go see some good ol’ fashioned rock and roll, man (like Elvis!). Typically, unless the groom is a die-hard fan, this is a good option for a multi-day event since a concert done correctly will basically wipe anybody out for the night. Unfortunately, there’s little you can do beyond go to Ticket Master or Pollstar.com to find the concerts on the horizon unless you’re in the market for some local talent, in which case, contact the concierge at your lodgings of choice.
Gambling Irresponsibly Known to the good city of Las Vegas as “gaming,” reckless and luxuriant gambling is a hallmark of the (especially Vegas-ian) bachelor party. It’s an important, symbolic embrace of risk-taking on an otherwise responsibility-paved road to domesticity. While it is advisable to load your wad into a waste-canon and fire it into the neon heart of a casino, you should probably make sure you’ve got something left to buy snack peanuts with out of the mini bar on the honeymoon. Set a limit for the man of honor, then let him go 10-20% too far.
Explosions
You’ve got a lot of options here. Explosions are a literal release of energy that can often have a cathartic, emotional equivelant in your likely-nervous bridegroom. So blow some stuff up, man. Get it out of your system. The obvious choice to start with here is fireworks. You can obtain them legally in these states, you can obtain them on Native American reservations in these states, you can make your own (not recommended, but if you do, upload the video to break.com), or you can obtain them in a number of illegal ways.
