A Word on Strippers:
Women of negotiable affectionsare a tricky lot. It’s important to think with your head and your head. If you don’t think with your head, then you’re not going to have a good time at all — you’ll just be worrying about hourly rates and extras. But if you don’t think with your head, you’re going to be saddled with outlandish hourly rates and crazy extras.
Here’s the deal: these are businesswomen, so until their thong-flossed, perfectly-tanned booties are secured firmly against your thighs, treat your interactions with them like business. Before any actual dancing/stripping/whatever begins, it should be absolutely clear what is being offered for an absolutely discreet number of U.S. dollars (your U.S. dollars as per Article A of Part I of the contract). That’s why we made…
The 10 Commandments of Booking Strippers
10. Shop around. Ask several girls about their services and rates.
9. Try and get a two for one deal. We call this the doublemint ploy.
8. Set a budget. Decide (sober) what you want to spend and stick (mostly) to it.
7. Define the rules. Ask what you’re allowed to do, and tell the stripper what she’s allowed to do (to the groom).
6. Choose a locale ahead of time. If the suite you rented isn’t going to cut it, you’ll have to make your way to the club.
5. Test drive if possible. If the girls are local enough to make the trip, take a buddy or two and make sure everything checks out under the hood.
4. Behave yourself. Strippers are used to a modicum of disrespect. But look up modicum before you get to handsy.
3. Talk to them. No reason we can’t be civil about this. And those girls have some stories, we’ll tell you what.
2. Account for a tip. Come on, man, they’re working girls.
1. Spend a little more than what you planned just in case it’s worth it.
