Dear Salty Vixen, I have never considered myself that sexual of a person, but it is still an essential part of my being. I love my husband, but since getting married and having children, our sex life has suffered. I know this is an age-old question, but how important is sex in long-term relationships? And do you have any tips for keeping the sex in our relationship hot? -Sincerely, Married Molly
Salty Vixen's Advice:
Dear Married Molly,
Your sex life is the barometer for a healthy relationship, so, use your naughty mind for ideas (or read/listen to this post/podcast) to heat up the mercury in your relationship thermometer.
"Kids take every sexual impulse out of a marriage." That's what Meg Ryan stated in the hit movie, When Harry Met Sally....And she wasn't far off base. Babies are miracles, and when they are born, it's easy and appropriate for couples to spend every moment wondering at the new life. But sometimes couples forget to rekindle their marriage after their little miracle is born, and the longer it remains un-kindled, the more difficult it is to spark. Here are some tips I suggest you follow :
1. Prioritize! Make it a priority. It's hard to make anything but sleep and caring for a newborn, priorities, but after an appropriate amount of time, you have to readjust and put the priority back on sex. The longer it takes to do this, the harder it is, but you can get back on track. Make your sex life a priority the same way you made your baby a priority.
2. Vanilla is fine. It doesn't always have to be bells and whistles. Just do it. When you're out of practice and not having regular sex, it is difficult to just do it for some couples, but there's no way around this, and frankly, if you find that every time you have sex it has to be preceded by rose petals and violins playing, you're going to have a hard time replicating that scenario on a regular basis, and your not going to be having sex on a regular basis if that's what you have to do to have it! So just do it!
3. Spice it up. And when you find that you're just doing it, spice it up a little. For instance, you can spice it up by incorporating game playing like naked Twister or strip Scrabble – or you can focus on a sexy theme, like having professional shiatsu massages, a Japanese dinner with sake and sushi, and start sex in a pair of kimonos that slowly – or quickly – come off. You can purchase lingerie that puts you in the mood, or take special care of your body with manicures, pedicures, waxing and exercise classes that will make you more aware of your body and it’s sexual components.
Foreplay before play
Small gestures that are kind and loving are the kind of food that feeds a marriage and keeps love and family together. Simple advice that is extremely important.
Ways To Show Love
1. A quick text , phone call or email that says -- I'm swamped, but I don't want to forget how important to me you are. I adore you.
2. Flowers when they're not expected. Send 'em. There is nothing so wonderful has opening the door to a surprise delivery.
3. Gifts. Not just birthdays and anniversaries, but little surprises. Bring him or her a great sweater that you happen to see that will look fabulous with his or her eyes. Or bake (or buy) his or her favorite cheesecake.
4. Stop and take a good look at the person you're married to. Try to look through eyes that have never seen him or her before. Then appreciate the way your spouse looks.
XOXO,
