Relationships can be complicated enough without having 300 miles or 3,000 miles separating you from your honey. If you’re in one, you know the frustrations of having a relationship over the phone and through texting. If you’ve never been in one, you probably doubt long-distance love is possible. But surprisingly, many couples who’ve lived through one have come out on top. So how do you do it? Here are six sensible rules when it comes to making long-distance love work. Plus: Take our quiz to see if you’re too jealous.
If you’ve never been in a long-distance relationship, you probably doubt the possibility of one truly succeeding. But surprisingly, if you ask couples who’ve experienced one and have come out on top, long-distance relationships can work.
So how do you do it? Here are six sensible rules when it comes to making long-distance relationships work:
1. Calculate the Odds
First, keep in mind that the odds of a successful long-distance relationship are more in your favor if you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time before a physical separation occurs.
You will be more secure in what you have rather than guessing whether something would be different or better if you were closer in distance.
Internet dating, though sometimes different in circumstances (especially if you haven’t met the person yet), can be equally as difficult as any long-distance relationship.
2. Know What You Want
Be on the same page with each other by communicating expectations before a distance separation.
Some topics that should definitely be addressed include:
- The way you’ll communicate (how much and when you’ll talk on the phone or over the internet)
- How often you'll see each other
- Whether your relationship will remain monogamous or not
- What challenges you each expect
The bottom line is that the more prepared for the changes you are, the more likely your relationship will remain happy and healthy.
Try to involve your partner in your day-to-day life as much as possible.
Telling each other about even the most trivial parts of your day will make you both feel closer as well as ease any awkward feelings once you do see each other.
3. Build Trust
It will undoubtedly be questioned or tested in a long-distance relationship, so it’s especially important that you go out of your way to make sure your partner trusts you.
You can do this with thoughtful gestures and being reliable with phone calls, favors, etc.
Don’t get involved in a long-distance relationship if you’ve already had questions about the other’s faithfulness, because it will only compound your insecurities.
4. Take Advantage of Your Independence
Dating and having a serious relationship can often drain a sense of independence right out of you.
Many people lose sight of their individuality once they become half of a couple and may be afraid to be more independent.
Long-distance relationships can be a good thing – you’ll be forced to do and learn things on your own, which can make for a better partner.
Your relationship might also develop slower, which can give you time to really get to know your partner, and not just physically.
Don’t waste your life waiting by the phone or mail box either.
5. Be Extra Creative
So you can’t come home to each other after work everyday. What’s the next best thing?
Technology is always at your fingertips – telephone, email, even FaceTime, texting, etc… (although I love voice memo on Facebook Dms!!)
But there’s also the old-fashioned way of communication – a love letter, recorded message, article clipping, or a care package sent through snail mail.
Or surprise them with a visit for the weekend!
Watch a TV show or game together over the phone (if your phone bill permits) so you can feel like you’re doing something together.- or cheesy 70s and 80s porn always fun!
Be creative with expressing your love.
6. Know Your Limits
Be honest with yourself and with each other about the status of your relationship. If you feel like the distance is too much to overcome, voice your concerns.
Don’t add to the difficulty of a long-distance relationship by bottling up feelings inside and letting them come out in hurtful ways like blame, anger or straying.
Remember that long-distance relationships usually mean that every problem or doubt is magnified because you’ll feel a little loss of control.
If uncertainty is going to plague you, don’t embark on a long-distance relationship.
Also, if you’ve been with your boyfriend or girlfriend for years and see it going nowhere, don’t use a long-distance relationship as a way of putting distance between the two of you.
If you're hoping it will eventually just fizzle on it's own, breaking up now might be necessary.
Long-distance relationships can work – just look at military wives and husbands, or other couples who are apart due to work, school or other circumstances.
You’ll be off to a strong start if you have a firm foundation already built before engaging in a long-distance relationship.
If you’re both committed to making it work while understanding the logistics and dynamics of being apart, you’ll also be more likely to succeed.
However, while in a long-distance relationship, you may also realize that your dating style is simply not cut out for this challenge, which just means you’ll be more informed for the future relationships.
