You wake up in jail or the hospital. You look at your shirt and there is blood. You're not sure if it's yours or someone else's. This is not good. The move here is to relax. You can't go anywhere. Chill out and try to piece things together. Are your knuckles raw? Is some of your hair missing from your scalp? Does your face smell like pepper spray? Become a private eye to your situation. Then call a lawyer.
Sure your head is killing you, you spent all of your money, and you have no idea how you got home, but the bits and pieces you can put together tell you this was one of the best nights of your life. Whether you met the girl of your dreams or saw your favorite band, last night was one for the ages. Enjoy it. These hangovers are few and far between, but when they come they are something to bask in... along with the ensuing mainlining of Ibuprofen.
Champagne is a fantastic way to ring in the New Year, however it is one of the worst types of booze to mix with other booze. Unless you are Jay-Z, you probably don't drink champagne all the time. Sugary and carbonated, more than a glass can wreak havoc on a stomach that has already ingested beer, alcohol, and a handful of Doritos. Either spending the party with your head in the bowl or waking up to your tongue permanently glued to the top of your mouth, this one is going to hurt.
A classic for hangovers "The Darkness" is similar to the "Oh No What Did I Do" except you wake up in a safe place with the feeling that you perpetuated fewer acts of violence. "The Darkness" consists of not remembering... anything. You recall getting to your destination, and having your first drink. A brief conversation and then the shots came out. You wonder what happened as you realize you have a phone number scrawled on your arm. And the worse part of the "Darkness" ? When people start uploading photos of you to Facebook.
This can be the worst hangover sometimes. You decided to make New Year's Eve plans on December 31st. Who would've thought everyone else had already made plans? Eventually you just ended up at your best friend's house drinking champagne while watching the ball drop on TV. Not so bad, except you both felt like you had to overcompensate for you anti-social ways and two bottles of champagne turned into find-what's-in-the-back-of-the-liquor-cabinet love fest. This hangover gets a little worse the next day when you have to hear what great nights everyone else had, and how they called you but you were already passed out.
You wake up and your remember everything. And that's the problem. It plays back in your head like a sad, sad movie: Telling off your best friend for dating his girlfriend. Puking and blaming it on the foreign guy. Eating all the cake with your hands. You start sending apology texts and get no response. You think maybe you're an alcoholic, shake that off, and think maybe everyone appreciates your style of honesty. Plan to stay low for at least three weeks after the apology or find new friends.
This is the hangover where you wake up and realize you aren't hungover. You get up and feel great. Then the room starts to move a little bit. Everything feels a bit different. You realize you're still drunk. It's too late now. The real hangover is in the mail. You ponder to begin drinking again, but alas even pondering something like that makes you worry about being an alcoholic. So you have breakfast. Drunk. You are now an alcoholic.
