I knew a narcissist that I will always care about but also be angry. Let me rephrase that. I am an Empath. Empaths we care about everyone including narcissist and we want to wish the best for everyone. HOWEVER, when a narcissist emotionally abuses an empath not once , not twice but for a period of time off and on whenever you see them, you begin to question "what the fuck did I do to you?" The answer is nothing.
Let me tell you a story, a memory I will never forget. I was a junior in high school. I liked a narcissist, everyone knew I liked him- he knew I liked him (and we knew each other for years). We had this hot-n-cold thing going on. He was nice to me for one moment and mean the next . Well this time, he got upset because I didn't ask him for permission to get some water. We were outside. It was VERY hot in August. I shouldn't have to ask him or anyone for permission for water. He had also been mean to me all week and nice to everyone else. I was his verbal punching bag and nobody understood why he was dehumanizing me.
The words I remember was "Where is Salty Vixen? Where is SHE? " the people said "she is getting water" He said "I did NOT give her permission! She is supposed to ask ME!" (he was yelling at this point), he turns around, slowly takes off his sunglasses and says "Salty Vixen, I see ya laughing, get your butt back on the field RIGHT NOW!"Â I got back to the field, sucked in the tears as he walked past me. He spoke kindly to everyone else but the dehumanizing me continued. He pretended I didn't exist.
We got back to the camp and he walked past me again, looked at me and said nothing. I got the narcissist silent treatment. All because I didn't ask him for permission to get water! I want to point out, rules were you have to let your leader know if you are going to bathroom or water, which, he wasn't the leader then!
I cried. Not just a cry. It was river of tears. I was hurt. What did I do to him? And why didn't anyone stand up for me? Why was everyone quiet? Was I the most hated person? - these were my thoughts at the time. Finally a friend came up to me and walked me to the cafeteria and we sat down to talk about it. I was shaking, rocking back and fourth, I was having a panic attack all because I was dehumanized!
He came back with his friends who told him to apologize to me and he said he hates crying and has no reason to apologize. He did nothing wrong and if I didn't want to work hard I should quit (he looked right at me when he said that!) - for the record I was working fucking hard! I asked for help from the Narcissist and he refused to help me. He helped others.
He left and later that night at the fire pit, his friends told him once again to apologize to me as that was very harsh of him. His words haunt me this day. He looked at me with tears swelling up in his eyes and said "No. I am not going to apologize. I hate her". He watched me the rest of the night until we all went to our cabins. Did he really hate me? The answer is no he didn't. I didn't know why I kept thinking about this for years and now I know, this my friends is trauma. So you want an answer ? This is it:
They might act like they hate you and have no interest in you or anything you are doing. Deep down they love the way you look, they love your personality, they love everything about you. The problem is when they realize that these qualities cannot be theirs.
Their love for you soon turns to hate and anger because they cannot be like you, they cannot do what you do or have done. They become envious of the attention and admiration you are receiving just from being you. If they cannot have these qualities which you possess, they will do whatever they can to destroy them. They will try to destroy you as a person. They will redefine you and rewrite your past. They use gas-lighting to make you doubt your own eyes, ears, and brain. They abuse you psychologically, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. This is all because they loved your qualities and you as a person so much. But then realized that your qualities could not be theirs, so now they want to destroy your qualities and you.
They are fueled by hate, anger, envy, and jealousy. When they were with us, they got lucky and they know it. That's why they had to manipulate and devalue us. Making us believe that we are not worthy of them. When the truth is they were not worthy of us. They already knew this, which is why they created a false personality, a false character. They only got with us because we were physically attracted to them, had status, money, power, charisma or anything else that they wanted, but did not have.
We were like fashion accessories to them, tools to assist them in obtaining their narcissistic supply. After us they go back to their true standards, they go back to the hole where they belong. The reality of what they were before they met us. We were only attracted to them because as Empaths we are not shallow people. We look for people who honour honesty, loyalty, and trust. People who have genuine, loving personalities just like us. The narcissist mirrored us and showed us what we wanted to see in the beginning, so we were attracted to their false personalities. They manipulated us in the beginning and love-bombed so that we overlooked the red flags.
They have to compensate for how insecure and unworthy they really feel. This is part of what creates these narcissists. If you truly knew deep down that you are secure, worthy, and deserving. You wouldn't abuse or manipulate anyone. At the beginning of the relationship they like that we are attractive, they like our inner qualities. They will even tell you this themselves.
They value you.
But over time they became very competitive like they were trying to outdo us. This is because they believe that we are above their level both on physical attraction and the depth of our personalities. If they really believed that they were better looking or had superior personalities, there is no way they would abuse, manipulate, devalue, or compete with us in any way.
