Photo above is a diagram of a vulva
My ex husband was awful when it came to sex. I would tell him "move to the left.. to the right... yep. there. Nope, go back" . He didn't take direction well. Men out there, you might watch Corn (new way of saying P*rn) and think you know the way around the women's parts but Corn is one thing, reality is another. Please, for the love of all men out there, all of us women are saying - LISTEN TO US! WE KNOW OUR BODIES!
Here is a very reliable way to find someone else's clitoris if you're too shy to ask her to show you.
a) don't worry about it at first. Just lick, kiss, and caress her lovingly. All over. Till her breath is hot on your neck and her hands are stroking you back. Wait for her little erection to begin to grow and for that to happen you want her to be excited everywhere, not just there.
b) touch her lightly at the base of her mons, just *above* the top of her clitoral hood. Don't move too fast, don't make a beeline, but don't squirrel around either since she might get ticklish if she's not sure where you're going. Also don't drop everything else -- keep kissing her and, of course, letting her kiss you back.
c) rock your fingertip left to right till you feel something sort of like a long thick tendon under her flesh. There aren't any tendons there so that's going to be it. (If you don't feel it at first keep rocking or gently swirling, not to mention kissing and licking, and it'll usually pop up.)
d) once you've found her, follow it down into her folds with your tongue or fingers
The idea is that the shaft of almost everyone's clit is bigger (or at least easier to find) higher up and most people don't know it goes that high. It's definitely easier to find than starting with the little glans under her hood and working your way up.
Oh yeah, one more thing, as she gets closer to coming the surrounding flesh will get more and more engorged and flushed and that can make it harder to find again. It's still easier to find if you go from the top. (Masters & Johnson and others said the erection goes away just before orgasm but it's always seemed to me that everything else swells -- wonderfully -- around it.)
Another idea that helps is to lay the length of your finger alongside her clitoral hood and do the same rocking back and forth across it. Once you find it you can circle it or rub up and down on one side or the other. (If you're talking at that point ask her which side she likes. One side is often more sensitive than the other.)
Finally, for a lot of women it feels better overall to stay on the outside of the hood than to dig a fingertip or tongue under the hood and drill directly into the little tip. For most people the tip, the glans, is *very* sensitive. It's totally tempting to do it, especially since slurping or sliding up between her labia will lead you right to it. Yes, *really* tempting and unless she's really into it you, may have to fight yourself every time. That's not to say you should never do it because some people do like it, but it's a good idea to check first.
