How many women out there feel this about dating apps "Why are so many men on dating apps married and lying about being single? Do they think us women are stupid enough to buy their lies?" The answer is, yes they do. The truth is, women, we are going to research. To many us have been burned on dating apps. Here is why I moved from shy girl to confident erotica writer to Salty Vixen Stories & More. From 2017-2020, I was in a sexting relationship with someone I grew up with. I will call him 'Blast from the Past".
I had the BIGGEST crush on him and years later when we reconnected on social media, it started off as chatting. Then we exchanged numbers. I was in the middle of divorce and he did not say. I researched. I asked his former friends if they knew the status in his relationship and nothing came up. So I allowed my walls to come down and send videos of me doing things he asked me to do. Let's just say RedTube solo level. He sent me photos. including a boner in blue boxers pic.
Then he called and called and called, I refused to answer because I knew he wanted video sex chat. I wasn't ready but after a year and 1/2 I finally caved in. He made me feel guilty for not giving into his sexual desires. When we did, it was not at home. What happened I never spoke about in public.
He had finished his hours at work and while still in the building, he texted me to have video sex. I said "I can't. kids are sleeping" He said "you don't have to do anything but watch" (I still have the text messages saved. Women don't delete anything. fyi). I went into my office, downstairs. I put on a black lace teddy and got dolled up for him. I answered. The video below, is exactly what happened when I answered the call. It has been part of my "Salty Vixen" promotion. Those were his exact words and I did as told. why did I do it? why didn't I say no? Fear.
Why the fear?
He had a hot and cold personality growing up in high school. If you pissed him off, he would get angry like a cartoon character. So many of us, to avoid this temper, we let him have his tantrum and move on. I was the end of his anger stick my junior year at band camp, and that is a story for another time, but that moment, the way he yelled at me, lingered and later learned this is part of Complex PTSD.
What happened at the facetime?
As stated, he was at work. After hours, but this was like something out of a 80s porn movie. It was the hottest thing that happened to me in years but years later, I realized what he did was to show me water fountain cum shooting out for me. He had told me my words make him aroused. My words make him cum and so does my beauty. You see, he is the true reason why I write erotica. Erotica was therapy for me. Pen Name Salty Vixen came from England.
When did I find out he was married?
I found out the day he was married the following morning at 5:30AM after my high school 20 year reunion. He said "We can't meet for coffee or any other time because I am married and all" (and he didn't tell me he was married for over 2 years! and this relationship was a total of 2 yrs and 10 months. The rest of the time he would check in on me telling me he was horny. no I didn't cave in.)
Mind you, I was sick to my stomach. And most men would have stopped the lies asap. Did he? Oh hell no. He would text me that he was horny and I would not respond. I did tell his wife, and he lied about how long it was. I took the fall for it but truth is, I sent her the enitre chat history. He asked me if I deleted things early on. I said "yes. but then again he said he deleted photos and videos. Did he? nope.
Lesson Learned
As a result of being a successful erotica author, and successful lifestyle digital magazine (Salty Vixen Stories & More), whenever I chat on dating apps, I do my research and if the lies pile up, I do what I call 'play with my food' until I ghost.
This is why women are still single
Too many assholes on dating apps ruin it for the good ones out there. I hate the apps, and yet I want to meet someone. I want a stable relationship and get married. When I tell the guys I write erotica (eventually), they thing I am bad. and wrong for doing it. They don't get it. I am a single parent putting food on the table and bills to pay. Erotica I am good at all thanks to "Blast from the Past". I wonder, does he read my smut knowing he was the true inspiration?
Why do married men sign up on the apps?
They sign up because that’s the first step to getting to the pictures. They just want to look at the pictures! The pictures lead to girls. The girls lead to more sex. They probably don’t even take time thinking over the should I or shouldn’t i’s. Sex blinds them. They’ll take the process as far as it leads if they don’t get caught. But, we’ll catch them eventually. Sex also makes them a bit stupid. So that’s why they sign up! The bigger question is “What will we do when we catch them?”
So many are married and deceitful !
Sex sex sex
Thats all its about.
Ive come to conclusion that men between 35 - 55 are in sexless marriages? Their needs are not being met so they are outside hunting for it.
I have empathy for that …
But from a single women perspective its not giving me much hope for finding love….! I sometimes wonder if men and women are meant to be together.
What are signs of married men on dating apps?
- Al1 His photos are blurry or dark.
- The hours he chats. If he only chats at work and not at home OR if he won't chat past a certain time.. or uses a Voice Over IP number, chances are, man is in a relationship.
- 2 His profile doesn't have much personal info.
- 3 He won't tell you his last name.
- 4 He doesn't link to his social media.
- 5 He only contacts you at certain times of the day.
- 6 He can't talk or hang out on weekends.
More similarities:
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All of these men projected themselves as successful (they weren't in real life, usually the women were the bread winners, ex. The last married man I saw said he was a contractor and owned his own business, turns out he was a handyman and struggling, but his wife was a doctor).
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All of these men touted they were single fathers with either partial custody (alternating weeks) or full custody. None of them would win dad of the year despite being there full time.
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All of them had really unique stories about their "ex" wives. Such as one said she passed away, another said she left him for another woman.
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In all cases the men would spin wild emotional stories about their kids, or day to day lives to make you feel like you were really being trusted and let in. On several of these, I found out they were completely false and they made it up because they wanted some sort of praise or emotional response.
Unfortunately, this has happened so much to so many women that most if not all, women run their names through social media, Google, and background sites.
In fact one guy said " I don't use social media" I found his social media account in 5 min. He used a voice over IP phone number, and because he showed me photo of his living room, and knew he lived near me, put in his first and last name, cross referenced to recent house sales the last 10 years and found him. Found his wife living with him. oh he said she passed away. the lies continue and it is just sick.
And if he wants to meet right aways DO RESEARCH BEFOREHAND!
