You met online, sparks flew, and now you want to meet in person. Great! We’ve got all you need to plan your first in-person tryst. Begin by making sure that you are ready and talking about your expectations. Then it will be time to talk about some of the particulars like what to do when you first see them, where to meet, who pays for what, and romantic ideas. Lastly, we will go over safety precautions for your date, not such a romantic topic to discuss, but surely the most important one.
Expectations
Make sure that you both really want to meet. If either of you feels reluctant, there is probably a good reason why you should hold off. Some regular online daters suggest meeting right away to get it out of the way and make sure that the chemistry is there before wasting any more time. Others say wait until you are sure this is someone you want to get involved with. It really does depend on personal preference. If you choose to meet early on, it is a good idea to meet on a “friends” basis to ensure that there is no pressure to act like a couple when you aren’t ready.
Have a phone conversation, if you haven’t already, before you meet in person. Your first in-person conversation could be really awkward because of all the feelings and nerves you are sure to be experiencing, but if you have already had lengthy conversations on the phone, things should go a whole lot smoother.
Before you meet, make sure to have plenty of conversation about the particulars. Talk about how you want to greet each other. Should you hug, kiss? It’s a good idea to clear that up beforehand so that the moment is wonderful instead of uncomfortable. Even after you have a plan in mind, it can still be pretty nerve wracking to see them for the first time, so don’t expect every moment to be magic. It can be a bit uncomfortable and still turn out great, so go into the meeting with an open mind.
You also want to talk about some of the things you might do together so that you can pack appropriately. You don’t want your SO to have packed dress clothes when you plan to take them bike riding. More important than proper attire is interest. If bike riding is your thing, make sure that they are truly interested before setting it all up. Pick up on their cues and be flexible. If you are the visiting party, ask questions so that you aren’t the one stuck pedaling in stilettos. If you find yourself on the receiving end of pushy planning, consider it a warning that your SO is controlling and inattentive.
Who Pays
This question arises most often when one party is traveling a great distance to see the other. If you aren’t, going Dutch is the usual protocol.
There is a lot of conversation going on about who should pay for the trip, the person visiting or the person hosting? Personally, I think that it’s a good idea to meet in the middle for a first meeting. That way, you both pay your share of transportation costs getting there, you each make your own arrangements for lodging, if applicable, and you both feel like you have equal say in how you spend your time.
If you have planned to meet on either of your “turfs” already, then you might want to have a conversation about the costs before you do anything else. It is always best if the person traveling pays their own way getting their. That way, they can make the plan according to their liking and not feel as obligated to the hosting party. Paying for the hotel, dining and entertainment are much more acceptable costs for the host to incur.
Regardless of the plan and who paid for what major expenses, it is always in good taste to treat each other to different things. Buy a little gift or souvenir here and there. Pay for ice-cream or drinks when the other person paid for dinner. Just try and make things go smoothly. Don’t resist when the other person offers to pay, making it too much about money. Enjoy being treated and enjoy picking up the tab as well.
Your Presentation
Be yourself. The only mistake you can make is misrepresenting yourself.
Women especially tend to judge a person by their attire, so it is important to dress to impress. However, it is just as important to dress for the occasion. Keep it casual if you are meeting in a casual environment, dress warm if it’s cold, wear comfortable shoes if you are doing something active, and dress to kill if you are meeting for late night cocktails. You want your date to know that you care about attracting them without looking like you are trying too hard.
If you want any chance of getting close to your date, make sure you smell great. Wear really nice cologne/perfume, but don’t overdo it. Your scent will leave a lasting impression, but you don’t want it to be so much that it gives them a headache. Pack along a bit of dental floss and mints or mouthwash to ensure that your mouth is always fresh.
Because your first in-person conversation can feel strange, it can help to have a couple of topics of conversation picked out ahead of time. Jot them down and even practice a few one-liners and ice-breakers on your way there.
Romantic Ideas
Incorporating some of their favorite things into your date planning is a really special way to show them that you care. Think back to past conversations for clues and then surprise them by treating them to their favorite cuisine, bringing them their favorite flower, reading them a poem from their favorite poet, dancing with them to their favorite song, or taking them on a romantic stroll during their favorite time of day.
Come bearing gifts. Bring a little something special to your SO for your first meeting. Choose a gift that you know they will appreciate. If you think they would like a bouquet of flowers, get them that. If you think a silly singing card or a cute keychain is more their style, then go that way. Whatever you choose, keep it light and casual. Don’t go buying diamonds for your first meeting.
Safety Tips
- Before it’s too late, make sure that the person you are going to meet is who you think they are. Ask them for a video so you aren’t unpleasantly shocked at how they speak, move, how tall they are, etc. Most of all, you are making sure that they aren’t misrepresenting themselves in any way. Even if it’s just giving you a misleading photo, it could be a clue that they aren’t entirely honest about who they are.
- Send them a little something via snail mail to confirm that they live where they say they live. If they never mention getting your correspondence, it could mean that they don’t live where they said they lived and that is a big red flag or it could mean that they live with another partner and it has been intercepted. The only good reason might be their own protective measure in not giving out their physical address.
- Pop their name and any other information (businesses, organizations, etc) into a search engine to confirm any detail of their life they have given you.
- If you are traveling a long distance to see your SO, make sure you have separate lodging arrangements. Don’t stay at their house, don’t rent a dwelling together, or anything else that puts you in a vulnerable place. Even if you feel like you know them well, it is always a mistake to put yourself in that position. You need to make sure you have your own space and a place to retreat to if you were to feel uncomfortable for any reason.
- My advice is to never invite them up to your room or go to theirs until you have spent much more time in person with them. I know that some of you are making this trip because you can’t wait to get alone with them, but I urge you to take it easy. There is no better “predator test” than to see how they react to clear and steadfast physical boundaries.
- Meet your date in a public place. Find a romantic restaurant or something where you can have intimate conversation, but make sure you are in view of other people so that you have some way of helping yourself if something were to go wrong.
- Tell someone where you are going every step of the way. Choose a friend or family member to be your check-in person. Call or text them when you change locations so that someone always knows where you are.
- If this is a very new relationship, consider taking a friend along with you for the meeting. You will be much safer and have someone there to help “screen” them as well.
- Make sure you carry a cell phone (and bring your charger) and some sort of self-defense weapon like pepper spray. It may sound a little over the top, but those two things save the lives of women every day.
- Don’t get drunk. There is no worse choice you could make as far as putting yourself in danger. Be smart and stay at least relatively sober. Besides, you want to give your best impression, and drinking too much is usually a short-cut to showing your worst side.
