The internet is a wonderful thing; it connects you with a world of people you might not ever have met in your entire lifetime. For businesses, for services, for advertising, the net created a revolution for getting noticed.
But like any place where people meet people, there are potential problems. Internet relationships have become a by-product of Dating Apps, Facebook, etc..; all well and good for singles, a new form of cheating for those who are married.
The classic response for the internet cheaters is the following: “I don’t really see it as cheating,” posted one man on the site, “it’s not physical. I’ll probably never meet the woman, but the erotic atmosphere adds a spice to my life.”
“It’s just harmless, sexy flirting brought to another level. No one is getting hurt,”
Does internet cheating hurt if there’s no “real” relationship? Can it even be called cheating on your spouse if no physical contact is involved? The answer to both questions is yes.
While it may not be physical, it is still considered cheating. It is the emotional variety of having an affair. There can be no question about whether or not anyone is hurt. The knowledge that your husband or wife is writing erotic messages to another person diminishes the relationship you have together.
Remember ladies, men cheat for the same reason that dogs lick their balls, because they can. It's part of their biology. Yes, I know women can also cheat as it happened to both. genders. However, most of the time, it is the man who is cheating. Partly due to, they are not getting the marriage adulting time i.e. sex was taken away. In fact I talked about this in a podcast, recently.
Cheating Is Cheating, Even If It's Online:
People who engage in online cheating may never even see each other's faces or hear each other's voices. Without actual physical contact, then, intimacy via the internet may not seem like a real affair.
However, an online affair is very much like a physical fling, one that can do lasting harm to a relationship or even an entire family. It can distract the unfaithful partner's attention from their real-life partner and children, robbing them of important time and attention and causing them to feel neglected and taken for granted.
Online cheating can lead to:
- Loss of trust
- Feelings of betrayal
- Insecurity
- Anger
- Jealousy
- Breakups and divorce
Signs of Cheating Online
If you are concerned that you or your partner might be engaging in online infidelity, there are some signs of cheating online to watch for. A few you might notice include:
- Spending a lot of time on their phone or on the computer
- Increased distance between you and your partner
- Sudden changes in behavior
- Lying or defensiveness when they try to talk about their concerns
- Changing passwords on shared accounts
- Moving computers or other devices to secluded locations in the house
- Clearing search history often
- Refusing to let the other person see their phone or computer screen
It is important to remember that everyone needs privacy and that it is not necessary for people to share everything about themselves with their partners. However, sudden changes in behavior and obvious efforts to hide online activity are a reason for concern.
Causes of Cheating Online
There are a variety of factors that can contribute to online infidelity. While such relationships might initially start off as harmless, they can shift over time. Some factors that can contribute to cheating online include:
- A desire to escape from reality
- Underlying relationship problems
- Wanting to pursue certain fantasies
- Avoiding distress caused by the relationship
- Poor communication and lack of trust
- Self-esteem issues
Once two people begin having cybersex, they can quickly and easily get carried away. Some people even become addicted to online sex, which adds another dimension of difficulty to the situation.
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Online Infidelity.
For a person addicted to sexting, time spent in front of a computer or screen will likely take up more and more free time, leaving less time and attention for spouse or partner, and family.
Another danger of sexting is that the two people engaging in the affair decide to meet in person. At that point, of course, online infidelity can become physical infidelity, which takes cheating to a different level.
How to Avoid Cheating Online
If you are concerned that you or your partner may engage in online cheating, there are steps you can take to help you avoid potential problems.
- Talk to your partner about your expectations
- Create boundaries when it comes to online relationships
- Set boundaries for social media, computer, and phone usage
- Only talk to your friends online
- Don't keep secrets from your partner
- Discuss your online behavior with your partner
- Stay off of dating sites
- Spend more quality time with your partner
- Turn off digital distractions to focus on your relationship
How to Cope With Cheating Online
It's important to keep in mind that online infidelity, like real-life infidelity, is often a sign that there are problems in a relationship and so ending an online affair may not be enough to put the incident to rest or prevent it from happening again.
Communicate With Your Partner
Rather than turning to the internet to try to find happiness or whatever you feel might be missing from your current relationship, talk to your spouse or partner.
Accept Responsibility
If you have engaged in cheating online, take responsibility for your behavior. Acknowledge your actions and accept the hurt that you have caused. Recognize that it will take work on your part to earn back your partner's trust.
Address Underlying Issues
It is also important to consider the underlying issues that might contribute to online infidelity. Communication and trust issues in your relationship might play a role, but underlying mental health concerns including anxiety, depression, and poor self-esteem might also be factors.
Talk to a Professional
Consider couples counseling or therapy for yourself if you can't seem to stop engaging in sexually compulsive behavior. You will save your loved ones from being deeply hurt and yourself from living with guilt or shame.
It is possible to save your relationship if there has been online infidelity, but it takes work. Accepting responsibility for actions, doing the work to change, improving communication, and seeking professional help are important steps you can take.
Any person who thinks that virtual intimacy is innocent needs to re-evaluate his or her idea of the word relationship and decide what love and commitment really means to them. A relationship based on trust should extend to all areas, even the internet. The worst thing is when spouse is found out, instead of telling the truth, the spouse will make the other person, the virtual plaything; virtual mistress the villain in their story to save their ass. I read about this often as it has happened to so many people I know.
When the spouse who was having a sexting affair, lies, they don’t realize how the other party feels. The virtual mistress/ plaything. The other person feels like a whore, and goes into depression because the spouse lied not only to his / her partner but also to the virtual mistress/plaything. Once it ends, the lying spouse ruins the reputation of the other person, the lying spouse does not care. The lying spouse’s partner will blame the virtual mistress/plaything when the virtual mistress/plaything didn’t know the lying spouse was married.
In a nutshell, if your spouse is caught having a virtual mistress/plaything, don’t blame the other person.
