Dear Salty Vixen,
One day I saw an offline message to my boyfriend from another woman. I became suspicious that he might be carrying on with other women, so I gained access to his email. I read an email from yet another woman stating how much she missed him and asking why he is ignoring her after the time they spent together. I confronted him about this and told him how I found out. He has not offered an explanation for the email, and he has made my accessing of his e-mail account the center point of why we are separated. He says he hasn't cheated and wouldn't. Up until I saw that offline message, I never had any reason to suspect he possibly may be cheating. How should I handle this situation?
--Privacy vs Cheating
Dear Privacy vs Cheating,
I’m not sure there is much of a situation left to handle. You found some pretty incriminating evidence that he is at the very least doing something slightly inappropriate behind your back. The fact that he doesn’t seem to want to talk about the issue is a little fishy as well. It may just be easier for him to stand on the moral high ground and use your snooping as a justification for the separation. Either way, the point is moot. The potential for a serious relationship has pretty much been destroyed. Even if he came around and offered a reason, there would always be a part of you that would suspect something. You also now know that instead of talking through an issue, he’ll just leave.
This gives you a clue as to how important he considered your relationship to begin with. If you decided to get back together and sweep the potential affair under the carpet, he’d probably still never trust that you wouldn’t snoop around. There really isn’t much room for a healthy relationship to exist under these conditions. Your best option is probably to move forward as friends or acquaintances and look somewhere else for love.
XOXO,
