Everyone has times when they are too tired for sex. But the word fatigue is usually used to describe a kind of tiredness or lack of energy which endures for a long time -- sometimes for weeks or months and sometimes it's part of our whole lives. Fatigue can be caused by temporary or chronic illness (everything from thyroid problems to arthritis to cancer) or by treatments, like medications. And sometimes fatigue is part of our lives because of a lack of balance between how much energy we have to expend and how well we are able to rest and rejuvenate.
Sex is often the first thing to go if you or your partner live with fatigue. Most of us are brought up being told that sex is a luxury anyway (unless it's for procreation) and even as adults, we are often given the message that other things are more important, even if that's not how we feel. If you experience fatigue your sex life will change. But that doesn't mean you have to stop having sex. You can start by exploring sexual activities that are easier on your body. If intercourse is top on your list of things you want to get back to, here are positions recommended for intercourse that requires less physical exertion.
Edge of the Bed
In this position the partner who experiences fatigue lies either on their back or on their stomach, with their bottom at the edge of a bed. The bed is providing all the support for your body, and the partner who has more energy can either kneel or stand by the edge of the bed and use their hands and arms to create movement between their body and yours. This position is ideal as it allows you to completely relax and you don't need to use any strength, but if you have some strength you can hold on to your partner or move on your own. Being on a mattress creates a little extra bounce, too!
Sitting Sex Positions
Sitting sex positions, particularly if you are sitting in a large chair with arms and a back, can also be a good option if you tire easily. These positions don't allow for as much movement for either partner, but they offer more physical contact and closeness. If the person who has more energy is also the one doing the penetration, they can sit on the chair first, and the partner with fatigue can essentially sit down on them, either facing them or facing away. If the person with fatigue is doing the penetration, they can sit in the chair and the other partner can support themselves to move up and down using the arms of the chair and lowering themselves down on their partners lap.
Side-by-Side While Face-to-Face
Both partners lie on their side and face each other. The bed or whatever surface you are lying on will support your weight and you can also use pillows behind or around you for more support. This is not the most convenient sex position as you can't always be face to face since your genitals may not line up in such a way to allow for that. But it allows a lot of physical skin-to-skin contact, and eye gazing. It can be difficult to get traction to allow for a lot of movement, but you can grab on to each other and create a kind of gentle rocking back and forth that can be fun.
Spooning
This position offers the same benefits as the side-by-side position but here you are facing away from your partner. This position is best if the partner with more stamina is the one doing the penetration as they can grab on to your hips or waist and create a lot of movement without you having to use much strength.
Right Angle Sex Position
This position works when the partner with fatigue is being penetrated. They lie on their back with one leg in the air, fully supported by their partner's body (sort of resting on your partners shoulder). The partner with more stamina does all of the "pumping" and can also move your body by moving your leg.
This position won't be good for everyone with fatigue, but you can experiment with variations, and pillows. The benefit of this position is that most of your body weight is supported by the bed, but by having your partner support your leg, you get a little more movement without a lot of exertion.
Exertion on Top
This position is usually called the "woman on top" but that's unnecessarily gendered, anyone can be on top, and you don't need a woman involved at all if that's not who you have sex with! In this position the partner with fatigue is lying on their back and the partner with more stamina gets on top of them, either facing forward so you can see each other, or facing backward....
(<-----in another position with a gendered name, the reverse cowgirl).
It's possible to use pillows (under your bum and under your knees) to allow the partner on the bottom to use their hips as much as they can for penetration. But mostly it's the person on top who does all the work. Benefits of this position include the visual "show" that the person on the bottom gets, and also the control that the person on top has. Drawbacks of this position are that it doesn't allow for a lot of in and out movement as your two bodies are pressed together by the weight of the partner on top.
