No matter how mind-blowing the sex is with your current partner, she probably knows that deep in the dirtiest corners of your mind, you have recurring fantasies and a long wish list of bedroom requests. It can be hard to tell your girl exactly what you want -- especially if it leans toward the kinkier side of things -- but if she doesn't know about it, she can't help you.
Regardless of the specifics of your request, your approach must cover some basic elements to give you a shot at getting her on board with your desires. The most important thing to remember is that sexual requests are best received by girlfriends who are already satisfied. She needs to already feel secure in your relationship to enjoy sharing new bedroom adventures with you.
If she suspects that you're cheating or that you’re not as into her as you used to be, she will obviously not be as open to making your sexual fantasies come true. A woman who is treated well will gladly make you happy. If you're fairly certain that your girl has no cause for complaint, you can get started on your quest for a new sexual experience. Yes, girls are all different, but these basic tips cover all the bases to help you turn your request into a night you won't forget.
Leave out the details
The first time you bring up a fantasy scenario or a new idea, your best bet is to be vague and omit the intricate details that have been on your mind. You may have directed the dirty scene a million times in your head, but you'll find it much easier to sell her on your ideas if you start with the basics. She will be overwhelmed if you give too much information too soon, and she might turn you down based only on the fact that it sounds too intimidating or choreographed.
Let her adjust to the basic idea before you get into the nitty-gritty of your demands. Once she has agreed to your general desires, discussing the specifics will feel more like a shared plan and will leave her feeling much more involved. Leaving out details will allow her to give her own kinky input.
Shape your language
Asking directly can be intimidating, but if you include your girl in your request, she’ll be honored to fulfill your fantasies for you. The way you ask her plays a huge factor in how she reacts. Using language that is focused on you and your needs will put her on the defensive and make her feel like the request is completely one-sided.
Position your request as a mutual experience rather than as the fulfillment of your own desire. Draw her in as a partner in crime. Instead of saying, "I've always wanted...", try including her in your request by saying, "I'd love to watch you..." or try putting the decision in her hands with questions like, "Do you think we could...?" This way, she will feel desired and special instead of replaceable.
Make it light and fun
There are plenty of words associated with sex that start with the letter "F," and when it comes to your request being fulfilled, the most important one is "fun." Never overlook the fact that sex is supposed to be playful, not serious. You both need to enjoy yourselves for it to be worthwhile. The pressure of fulfilling someone's sexual fantasy -- or even just trying something new -- can be uncomfortable for a lot of girls and can be enough to sabotage any of your attempts to spice things up.
To help ease her into thinking outside the box in bed, you'll need to make sure that the mood is not too serious and that no pressure is involved. Sex games are a great catalyst for discussing new fantasies and desires; they're designed specifically to be both sexy and entertaining. There are a hundred different sex games on the market, each tailored to a different level of detail and theme. Browse around online and find one that touches on the topics that most suit you and your girl, then make your next date a game night with a bottle of wine and some laughs.
Explain the benefits
If your request comes off sounding like there's nothing in it for her, she won't have much of an incentive to take you up on your offer. Take the time to consider what she will get out of the experience, and make sure to include at least one benefit for her for every reward you’ll be getting yourself. If you aren't able to come up with any, chances are your request will be perceived as selfish rather than as a prospect for mutual satisfaction.
Most women have been propositioned more times that they can count, for more things than you want to know about. Your goal is to avoid sounding like you've rehearsed your sales pitch in the mirror. Women will resist just about anything if they feel like they're being pressured or that they're not being listened to. Keep your focus on talking with her about the experience and how she might find it fun.
Use props
Broaching the subject of your dirtiest desires can be hard, especially if it comes out of the blue. Props are man's best friend in this case because they get conversations going, and they can help introduce your girl to new ideas in a light and casual way.
Instead of laughing at women's magazines, use them to your advantage. Does your girlfriend have a copy of Cosmopolitan on her coffee table? Most women's magazines feature sexually oriented articles that range from erotic to downright kinky. They can provide you with the perfect ice breaker for a chat about sex.
Next time she's taking forever to get ready to go out, sit back and flip through whatever's handy. Nine times out of 10, there will be a quiz or an article that will give you the perfect opportunity to ask for her opinion or at least gauge her reaction to different sexual topics.
Of course, the golden standard of props for loosening up the girl in your life is pornography. And we aren't only talking about the newest Vivid feature; there's all kinds of material you can get your hands on that will appeal equally to you and your girl.
Start with some porn on sites like Redtube, xhamster or Youporn, erotic photography and literature, such as Salty Vixen's loverotica (free erotica!) that you can share with her without making the experience feel sleazy. Once the conversation gets going and she's feeling comfortable, you can start directing the topic to include your own request.
Set the right scene
Where and when you bring up your request can impact her receptiveness and comfort, which are the two most important things you should be taking into account if you expect her to be a willing partner. Even the most open-minded girl will cringe at being quizzed in front of others, which means that you must be in a private setting with enough time available so that you don’t come off sounding rushed.
Picking the right moment is vital, so avoid times when she's stressed or upset. No woman is going to be open to talking about your vinyl fetish after a rough day at work. Standard seduction rules apply: Alcohol, music and relaxation are all great ways to set a scene where you can both feel at ease.
Reciprocate
The act of giving and taking forms a huge part of all relationships, especially in the bedroom. Be sure that you aren't asking her to take all of the chances -- it has to be mutual to be successful. Be sure to let her know that her pleasure is as important to you as your own, and turn your bedroom sessions into a collaborative environment.
Once you open up a dialogue about your desires and hers, you may be surprised at how many you have in common, which is never a bad thing. Many women -- and a lot of men -- feel most comfortable in sexual situations where the focus isn't just on them. You can be sure that she will feel more open to your suggestions if she knows that some of her desires are going to be test-driven too.
Be patient
If your request is sincere and important to you, throw out the clock. Don't expect her to jump at your request and drag you to the bedroom that minute. Everyone needs time to process new information and form an opinion. It will work in your favor if you give her time to ask questions, consider it and get back to you with a decision at a later date.
Once the topic is out in the open and you're on record with your request, it's only polite not to harass her or mention it frequently -- you'll end up sounding like a 5-year-old whining for a new toy, which is definitely not sexy. If your woman is into the idea, she'll let you know when she is ready -- no reminders required.
ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE
The bedroom should be a place where both you and your girl feel comfortable and adventurous. Introducing new elements to your routine is imperative in avoiding a downward sexual spiral that leaves you both feeling bored.
Making requests can be difficult and won't always be successful, but keep in mind that by breaking down that barrier and taking the first step, you aren't only on your way to getting what you want in the bedroom, you are giving your partner an opportunity to learn about what she wants too.
