My husband wants us both to join a Swingers Club. It is an exciting thought, but I am nervous to say yes because I know nothing about them. Can you tell me a little about what I could expect?" - Donna, London, Ontario, Canada
Thanks for your question Donna, what an enticing proposition you have in front of you!
Swinging is not for everybody, but those who do enjoy the lifestyle believe it adds an incredible amount to their relationship. My friend and her husband are fans of the lifestyle.
There was something I read somewhere that said that more than 70% of couples who have participated in some form of swinging felt like it had made a positive impact in their lives.
My friend and her husband told me that it is something which has contributed to making their relationship exciting, fulfilling and constantly growing. But I equally know many people who have no interest in experimenting, and even a few couples who have had their relationship damaged because of swinging.
It is not a blanket positive or negative experience for everyone. Don’t take it lightly, and it’s also important to always remember that sometimes fantasies don’t materialize into reality without some nasty consequences.
Think it through thoroughly and consider:
• Whether your relationship is in a good enough place to warrant some swinging experimentation. Is the relationship positive, stable and wanting to expand? Do either of you have any worries or insecurities that this could unleash? What are the potential outcomes (good and bad) of going through with it?
• Whether you think you would benefit from it personally on an individual sexual basis; is it something you are genuinely keen to try?
• How you really feel about swinging, and how your partner really feels about it as well. Is there any confusion or doubts over the reality or the desire to manifest a fantasy? Is this something that should realistically stay a fantasy?
• Do some thorough visualization of your partner being with someone else. How does it make you feel?
• How would you feel about being with someone other than your partner?
I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but at the same time I am mindful when giving advice through this column that if I were to say “just go for it” or “don’t think, just do” then I would be doing you a serious disservice, because the potential fallouts are very real and something that needs serious contemplation.
So what is a Swingers Club? It can be either a group of people, or a physical location (or both of course) that organizes various events for participating couples.
Venues such as spas, bars or nightclubs are often used, but just as often organizers nominate someone’s residence or hire a location for the event. Attendance usually requires pre-booking because participants generally like to know how many people are coming, and who.
Roll-ups (non booked people) often won’t get in, as they present too much of an unknown factor that could disrupt the event.
Swingers take the organization and running of their events seriously and professionally, because only then are they confident everyone can relax and enjoy the fun without outside or “out of the blue” surprises.
There generally is at least some minor security at each event, even if it is just a group of nominated participants, who will ensure the event runs smoothly and everyone is following the agreed upon rules.
Speaking of the rules at each event, they are quite basic and common sense.
Generally they run along the lines of respecting someone’s right to say “no” without questioning it, being polite and courteous, using safe sex measures and no offensive or disruptive behaviors.
Usually the event is just for couples, although occasionally singles will be allowed entry.
How a swinging event actually operates is different from event to event…often there is a “safe” room set aside just for chatting, getting to know people or for a time out, and the actual sex takes place in other areas.
Be prepared for group sex occurring right before your eyes however…a tangle of naked bodies touching and enjoying each other.
In the designated areas there are no inhibitions or concerns towards “shock value”.
The positives that can come out of swinging are plentiful, and can include:
• Enjoying a variety of sexual partners
• Increasing your social network and making new friends
• Provides you a reason to stay in shape and keep looking your best
• It can increase the appreciation you have of your partner
• Can help overcome sexual inhibitions
• Improvement of your self-confidence
• Learning of new sexual techniques
• Enjoying a new experience in your relationship together
• Evolving your relationship
The swinging lifestyle is something that is continuing to grow across the US and right around the world. Actual organized swinging clubs date back to World War II, and started with a group of Air Force Pilots and their wives. When they were “exposed” in the 1950’s, it created a huge scandal, but also put a great idea in the minds of thousands of people.
The internet has allowed the popularity of swinging to soar, and increased the ability of people to network and find both clubs and like-minded couples. Log onto any friend-finder type site as a first step and it won’t take you long to tap into the pipeline.
And if you want to get some swinging influenced entertainment, check out the movies “Zebra Lounge” (my favorite) or “The Blood Oranges”, both good movies that present good and bad sides of the lifestyle.
The bottom line of swinging and swinging clubs is to be prepared for what you are getting into, don’t go in without an idea of what to expect or what some of the potential consequences could be (positive and negative).
Hope that provides some help for you Donna…and if you decide to get involved, happy swinging!
XOXO
