It’s a natural thing to compare our new partner to our previous partner or partners, because they are our baseline, they are what we know when it comes to relationships and how they work. The issue is when the new partner does something that is similar to something the ex did and you react with all of the emotion pent up from being with them… which is unfair to the new partner who may not be doing that at all, or at least this might be the first offense. What happens then? You get the “you’re over-reacting” label! Ouch!
Relationships never “fail”, they just come and go leaving you with an education for next time. For me, I learnt some great stuff from my first serious relationship such as;
1. You need to keep a life of your own and be an individual sharing a life with another individual
2. You have to be true to who you are
3. Men don’t have ESP!
That’s not all but I took a lot of positive learnings from the experience. When I met Mr Wonderful I implemented those in our relationship which only made ours phenomenal (and continuing to evolve). I know many people who have a “bad” relationship and take other learnings such as:
1. Men/women can’t be trusted
2. I’m not lovable/not good enough/ugly…
3. I can’t make relationships work
Now if you know anything about universal laws or how the unconscious mind works, people wandering around with beliefs like these will attract or unconsciously seek people that will prove them right; people that can’t be trusted, that themselves are not good at relationships, or that will be detrimental to their self esteem.
Ever had this happen? I decided on the next car I wanted, a black Nissan, once I focussed on having it, they showed up everywhere! Your unconscious mind works like that for anything you focus on – GOOD or BAD! It doesn’t discriminate. So if you are spending time thinking about all the things that went wrong in your last relationships (or what’s wrong with your life for that matter), you’ll see it and experience it again and again… the baggage that you carry is what you keep focussing on that is “wrong” with you and relationships in general…
Turning it around is as easy as changing your focus, but since 95% of who we are is unconscious, there are a lot of destructive patterns and beliefs that people don’t realize they have. So engaging someone who works with the unconscious mind is a really good place to start!
