Aren't we in the same time period that welcomes independent single mothers and women in high career positions? While the female gender has undergone so many evolutions in society, one would think they would be as aggressive in their dating life as they are in every other aspect of their life.
There are aggressive women out there, those that call the shots in dating and can't be messed around with, but they are rare and few. Despite the aggression displayed in other facets, women shy away from being the initiators in dating. So when it comes to asking a woman out on a date, that's the man's job.
CHECK, MATE
Why is it that females have no problem setting the woman's movement back ten years by waiting for the man to make the first move? Well, if it's a man's job now, then is it possible that women will eventually get that "promotion" and become the aggressors themselves?
When it comes to dating, there's no doubt that making the first move is nerve-wracking, but I'm on men's side where this issue is concerned. It can just as equally be a woman's job to secure a date with a man, or kiss him in the hopes of luring him into more serious bedroom activities, as it is the man's responsibility to do so.
Here are some reasons why women don't make the first move and why it's usually your responsibility to take the plunge and just go for it.
THIS IS ONLY A TEST
A lot can be said about a man by the way he approaches a woman. Is he insecure or confident? Maybe he's a little bit too confident. There are many pickup methods employed by men (I've seen them all, nothing surprises me anymore), and some work while others fail miserably. Whether the picker-upper succeeds or not is beside the point, what is important is what his pickup method says about his personality.
Women like to put men up to the challenge of how they'll go about approaching them, by not making the first move and allowing the man to step up to the plate. If he approaches her in the bar and bores her to tears with his personal sales pitch, convincing her of the 101 reasons why she should be dating him, this shows two key attributes (both extremely unattractive): insecurity or an abundance in confidence.
The man who is rude to her while trying to make conversation, who practically expects her to throw her home phone number at him -- not just give it to him -- has too much confidence to go around.
On the other hand, the man who sweetly plants a kiss on her lips while on the first date, rather than ask her if he can do this, will probably sweep her off her feet, while the guy who whips out a condom on the first date will probably be practicing the safest form of protection against STDs: abstinence.
If the man passes this test, he is worthy of a date or two, by which point the woman may make the first move the next time around.
UPPER HAND WOW-MAN
He who reveals emotions puts himself on the line.
The combat zone of dating usually looks like this: if you show interest in someone by asking them out or kissing them, you are revealing other feelings that may exist. These are brought to the forefront, and are the equivalent of the man going out for combat without ammunition. He is thrown into the line of fire and becomes more vulnerable once he makes a move. Men are more inclined to do so since women have the tendency to become more emotionally attached and would not risk going out on a limb.
This is where I have to give props to the ladies. They know that he who reveals his feelings too early in a relationship or shows interest becomes vulnerable, while he who is on the receiving end can make or break the initiator's efforts. The receiver of affection gets the upper hand by default; now this is a very important thing to remember in the game of love and war.
Women, whether it be on purpose or not, are expected to be on the receiving end rather than the initiators, and thus claim their stake as the ones with the upper hand.
ROMEO, ROMEO...
Somewhere in the days of old-fashioned values -- tucked away neatly in movies such as Casablanca and Gone With the Wind -- men were expected to approach the women and make the first move. These values have remained ingrained in our minds -- at least in women's -- as they wait around for the men to be the aggressors.
While women don't necessarily need men to throw pebbles at their window and climb up the tree to get to them, women do wish for some romance; at least the feeling that they are being pursued.
Of course, today's media and pop culture project the image of the independent, strong woman, who doesn't even need a man. Maybe that's why women want to keep that part of classic times and chivalry alive. They want to feel pursued, they want to be admired, and they want to be showered with rose petals okay, that's pushing it.
So men, I hope you now understand why you have to brush up on your pickup methods. She may be putting you to the test, so know that in order to succeed in picking her up you must act natural, be friendly, and not seem too goal-oriented. Approaching her will make you look comfortable to begin with, so you don't need to add to that confidence. And if she approaches you , all the better.
