Dear Salty Vixen, A while back, my friend told me that she looks all her dates up on Google before she goes out with them. At the time, I thought this was creepy and overbearing, and refused to do it myself. However, now that I've been out with a few creepy guys, I'm starting to think that maybe Googling them before I go on the date or even accept the date might be a good idea.
I just want to be able to ferret out any lies (about, say, their job or marital status!) and see if any red flags come up. But I'm still hesitant -- I feel that not only is this an invasion of privacy, but that it sort of ruins the fun and romance of dating! I'm thinking about signing up for OkCupid! or Bumble, which is why this has come to the forefront of my mind. I want a way to secure that the guys I'm going out with aren't psychos. Do you have any advice on Googling a date and whether or not we should be doing it when online dating? Sincerely, Old-Fashioned Girl
Salty Vixen's Advice
Dear Old-Fashioned Girl,
Why is everyone Googling their dates? Heck, I do further, I look up social media. If they say they don't' have it, that is a lie. Those who don't have social media, probably are scammers- this is the digital world we are living in, sadly.
Because they can! Dating has become so vast that it's wise and easy to use a tool like Google or another search engine to find out more about your date to save time. If he's got a jail record, why even go on that first date? If you didn't have a search engine tool, how long would it take you to find out some tidbit like that that can save you time, heartache and emotional investment?
Before search engines people asked around about people they were interested in. Using a search engine is like asking around -- times a neutron bomb. Information is the new currency.
How Reliable is Google?
Googling dates definitely puts you at an advantage. However, you're still dealing with human nature. The person doing the search engine searching has to understand the information that they're pulling up to reap the benefits. And, on the other hand, just because it isn't in a search engine, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Search engines are still new and fallible. They miss lots of information so just because you get a clean slate on someone you've done a search on, does not mean they've got the stamp of approval. You still have to use your instincts and your common sense to get to know someone -- and their family.
Does Google Give You an Unfair Advantage?
Fair is a funny word to use. All's fair in love and war -- and that includes dating. Online dating profiles are a peek into who a person wants to represent themselves to be. It doesn't mean that's who the person is. And don't forget -- people lie. They omit photos on purpose. They fudge their age -- and sometimes their gender! But there are lots of well meaning, true blue women and men out there who are using the internet and online profiles to truly try and represent themselves to the best of their ability in order to get into a fair and loving relationship with someone else.
As for getting into the online dating scene, I have some tips for you!
Tips for Getting Serious with an Online Date
Until a man asks you for an exclusive relationship, and you agree to have one, keep your online dating profile up there!
Online Dating Lesson #1:
Understand that men are competitive by nature. No one wants to date the person that nobody else wants. Would you?
Online Dating Lesson #2:
The worst thing you can do is become too available and too predictable -- someone he no longer has to pursue and win. Men like to feel that they have won the prize.
So, don't take your online dating profile down. You keep it right where it is, until he asks you to take it down, and he asks you for an exclusive relationship (and you agree to give it to him).
Think about it: would a man take his dating profile down just because he had half a dozen good dates with a woman? No way!
Here's what a man in your shoes would do:
A man would keep his dating options open, and make sure he was taken care of. A man wouldn't take his online dating profile down unless he had what he wanted, and he was sure it was a lock. A man wouldn't get involved too quickly, or take the relationship too seriously too soon, and neither should you.
XOXO,
