My ex husband was a narcissist. An ex boyfriend of mine was a narcissist. It took me years to finally break free of the cycle. When my ex narcissist husband got angry, oh the rage was real. I was terrified of him. I also knew a guy, when he got his rage, he knew how to hold it in, and I never will forget years ago when we knew each other, when I was yelled at so bad, that I cried like I never cried before. His friends to him to apologize to which he said "I have nothing to apologize for. I hate her. I wish she quit (music)".
I grew as a person as I promised myself to never cry like that again. Years later I dated a narcissist, after ex husband. When it ended, the final conversation we had was "YOU WANTED THIS! YOU LIKED IT. WE ARE FRRIEENDS". I am still shaking as I write this. That was the rage I didn't want to see again and I knew that was the start of it. I snapped and gave him a taste of his own medicine, yelled like I never yelled before and that was the final conversation. My anger was pent up because I never got to open up how I felt and when you get a sagittarius angry- Since we are a fire sign, we can only take so much gaslight; so much narcissism. He never knew how much narcissism affected me.
Since I am an empath, we are often victims of narcissistic abuse and the sad thing is, even when they decide to leave the toxic relationship, they may feel guilt and shame. Worse, the narcissist might even lure them back. Empaths, sadly we are attracted to narcissist and all I can say, thank you for social media, which has helped me, as an empath finally break free from the narcissist cycle.
Narcissist rage is real. I have been a victim of that. There is a saying and this is true for narcissists. When they are caught lying, they make the empath the villain to save their own asses. (more article with the 7 signs after the video)
After seeing the video, you know what I am talking about. And as an Empath, talking to friends about the narcissistic abuse I had endured, their words are because they are tired of hearing about it "get over it" narcissistic abuse is very hard to get over and we need time to heal. Healing for me was erotica, writing and doing audio. And as a result, I have made a business, but in the back of my head, I fear the narcissists will return and I will hear their rage at some point, so all I can do is remain positive and let my business continue to grow.
What is narcissistic rage?
Narcissistic rage is a sudden outburst of intense aggression and anger as a result of a narcissist experiencing disappointment, negative feedback, difficulties, or even mild irritation. These outbursts can become violent and lead to physical attacks, gaslighting, and verbal abuse.
The term was first coined in 1972 by author Heinz Kohut in an article he wrote called "Thoughts on Narcissism and Narcissistic Rage."
Because people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) expect constant positive comments and praise, any of the above perceived slights essentially destroy their illusion of superiority and entitlement.
What causes narcissistic rage?
While NPD is an underlying cause of narcissistic rage, other causes can include genetics and childhood trauma or abuse. However, these are not limiting factors; low self-esteem is a major cause.
Narcissistic rage can be a result of narcissistic injury, which is when a narcissist believes their self-worth or confidence is threatened, leading to their "false" persona being exposed to others.
Additional triggers can include criticism, being held accountable for their actions, not receiving the attention they desire, being called out on their manipulation tactics, feeling out of control, or not getting their way.
7 Signs of Narcissistic Rage
1. Narcissistic tendencies or personality traits
These can include self-aggrandizement, an apparently inflated sense of self-worth, egotistical behavior, and putting their own needs and desires above those of other people.
Narcissists often put others down to make themselves look better in their own eyes. If narcissists you've seen in movies or in public life remind you of your friend or partner, this is a clue.
2. Expressing disapproval of groups of people to which they don't belong
Narcissists will often express racism or other forms of bigotry. The need to be the "best" extends to their group, no matter what it is.
The more severely narcissistic the individual is, the more they feel that they're not getting the accolades, money, or whatever prize they deserve, and the more blatant and nasty this becomes.
3. Not responding well to supervision at work from people 'less than' them
Even if they do what their supervisor tells them to do, how do they describe the person and the incident? Are they still angry hours later?
While someone without narcissistic issues might be angry at true injustice, the narcissist will fume over relatively minor corrections or impositions.
Have they lost jobs due to refusal to do what the supervisor asks, or are they having angry or dangerous outbursts at work? These are serious warning signs.
4. Intense road rage
How do they behave behind the wheel if they're cut off or someone honks at them? Do they speed up, honk, "flip the bird," or do anything else that seems dangerous? Have they caused any accidents this way or threatened anyone with bodily harm?
Another example could include being run off the road because your car was driving "too close" to theirs.
5. Not viewing children as fully human
If children are in their life, how do they treat them? Narcissists don’t generally see other people, especially children, as fully human. They merely exist to satisfy the narcissist’s needs.
Do they play mean tricks or call the kids names or put them down, and then say they were only playing or the child is "too sensitive" or some such thing? Do they expect superior grades and/or athletic ability or other attributes from the children, beyond the level of reason?
This would reflect glory on them, if it’s in an area about which the narcissist cares.
6. Responding negatively when others disagree
How do they handle a disagreement with you? Does it depend on the subject of the disagreement?
In other words, a narcissist will become significantly more outraged when someone disagrees with them about something they see as a reflection of them, but they really don’t mind what you do or think in other areas.
For instance, in a relationship, when you choose some activity or even a job, it probably won’t bring much anger. But they might become furious if you don’t want to entertain their friends or dress in a way they like for a party.
How do they act when you disagree about something that actually matters to them? Do they insult you or threaten you in some way? Do you avoid those disagreements and "go along to get along" out of fear or fatigue?
7. Frequent run-ins with the law
This can include aggression, fighting, road rage, or some other form of disorderly conduct. Was it because their ego was bruised in some way?
Narcissists often have difficulty controlling their rage in social or public situations in which they feel they're not getting the respect they deserve. Alcohol can add to this particular issue.
Examples of Narcissistic Rage
While narcissistic rage includes outbursts or fits of anger, it can take many forms.
Some examples include:
- Physically or verbally abusing a partner for not taking out the trash
- Throwing a dish across a restaurant after receiving the incorrect food order
- Destroying a hotel lobby after being told their room is not yet ready
- Breaking all the windows on the car of an employer for criticizing their work ethic
- Hurling insults at friends when the conversation is steered away from them
- Gaslighting someone after getting caught lying or cheating
- Kicking a hole in the wall when their home has not been tidied
Narcissistic rage is real and it can erupt into something rather frightening. If you can honestly say that someone you know fits three or more of these descriptions, they probably have narcissistic rage, not just anger issues.
This is unfortunate because it's much more difficult to change the behavior of a narcissist than that of a typical person who has trouble managing their angry feelings and reactions.
After all, their psychological condition means they are never really wrong, in their own minds. Even if they apologize, it’s usually more a punishment-avoidance tactic than sincere remorse.
If you or someone you know is facing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help at (800) 799-SAFE (7233), or visit thehotline.org for more.
