I am empath and I dated a Narcissist. There were dates in my life that I kept replaying it because I was tryihg to understand why did the Narcissist treat me that way? What did I do to him? The answer was nothing. What I didn't realize at the time is that I was going through trauma. Those memories were trauma and trauma was unresolved because us Empaths like to do figure out the "WHY".
They will when they get discarded… The empath feels like it is our fault why we were discarded. Here is an example, I was shouted at. Yelled all because I asked for help and he refused and when I couldn't figure out what to do, he unleashed his wrath so bad you could hear echos across the field. Nobody knew the story; nobody questioned him when he had his wrath. I held onto that for years. In fact that very day, in the afternoon during our 'rest' time, this woman saw the narcissist yelling at me assuming he hated me and decided to bully me. She didn't know the full story between the Narcissist and I and instead of asking, she decide to ride on his anger.
I realize this now, that he yelled at me because of his emotions for me. He wanted me to work hard but it was that woman who bullied me after, that is what got to me. I let her get to me and the funny thing is he and I had conversations about her because he saw the way she treated me and told me he didn't like it and said to not let her get to me. I felt protected by him that is why I had my little crush on him. He is a good person and I will always protect the people who were kind to me.
When Narcissist and I dated, the love-bombing happened. They make you feel desired. Feel loved. Feel beautiful and once they get sex, they begin the discard phrase. As an empath, I took it to heart thinking I got him upset; I did something wrong and I remember saying "I am sorry if I did anything. But I understand". Then we start back up and love-bombing happened and then discard came. This was an endless cycle. It felt good to be desired and loved but as an empath, I wanted it to be more and he didn't. So my self- esteem began to get low again and thinking I am not worth it. Truth is, I felt, he just didn't know what he wanted. That is how it always had been. So here is the skinny on this topic:
The empath has a lot of problems when the relationship enters discard phase.
You see the empath either came to heal the narc…or thought the narc understood them and was a good person. When the narc starts feeding on them, and draining them of every drop of empathy and healing intentions, the empath gets overwhelmed in every other area of their lives. The narc starts carving off big chunks of the empaths identity and self esteem….Eroding the empaths identity to crisis point in some cases….
When the empath starts failing to be a good supply and looks to be near exhaustion or at rock bottom, even on the edge of a cliff…The narc discards and never ever provides a valid reason why the relationship is over in their eyes. Narcs withhold closure to keep the empath entangled in their web of deception.
There is usually a new supply that has been acquired by the narc by this time…The empath was totally consumed in trying to keep everyone happy and avoid conflicts that the narc was instigating or causing directly, that they never saw the narcs behavioral changes. While the empath was overwhelmed the narc acquired their new supply.The empath never saw it.
But the empath feels it….and questions the narc as the relationship has deteriorated seemingly overnight.
Then the narc goes silent. Blocks the empath everywhere.
The empath is not stalking..they are looking for closure and answers as to why and how this could happen to them when they are usually a step or two ahead of normal people due to their intuition and emotional intelligence.
The empath will obsess over how this happened and how they missed the signs. …Because everything they ever felt or was told to them by their instincts was pretty much true in the past. They came to rely on their gift. They cant believe their thoughts and feelings had led them so far astray.
But what happened is…
The narc came in and overwhelmed their senses. Then blinded the empath with an carefully constructed illusion. Custom tailored to the empaths wants and desires. The narcissistic emotional core that is unlike that of normal people is missing something.. But the empath picks up what is there not what is missing. They cant see the narc clearly like they can others. They think the narc is level and true. Calm.
Once confused, stressed, and exhausted, the empath was pretty much incapacitated to the point where they were failing to meet the narcs supply needs. That’s when the abuse begins. The abuse is a different meal for the narc…its dessert..
And when finished with dessert, the only link the narc will have to the empath is the hope that the empath never gets closure. If the empath fails to get closure, the empath will recharge and make the same mistake all over again if the narc wishes to come back for seconds.
And the empath who gets closure rejects the second coming of the narc…Those who don't..are susceptible to do round two as they still want answers and don’t wish to believe that they were fooled by the narc illusion.
Round two …ends like round one only quicker.
