When it comes to Dating - it is hard out there. Okay, I will tell you, dating apps sucks! - at least from my personal experience. I have had so many dates that expected hookups (and Salty Vixen does NOT do hookups!), or rush dating - those who have followed my posts over the years, I have made a Dating Red Flag Series. I go by this rule: chat for 3 and 1/2 weeks, learn about my potential date (as you should!), if things go well, then go out somewhere in the daylight, not evening. but never. ever. expect hookup.
Sadly, this is the norm now-a-days. I recently had given my number to a guy. I told him during the week I am not glued to my phone as I am working- which he said "totally get it." However, he didn't like that and became a "are you there? Can we meet this week?" Texts - I decided after he didn't listen to me, I ignored his texts. This weeks article about possibly missed opportunities to date someone REALLY great simply because they didn’t dramatically strike your fancy at first glance?
Several years ago, there was a New York Times article that highlighted how fatal of a mistake it is for single men and women to limit their love prospects only to those who instantly elicit a dramatic, romantic response upon that very first peek.
Everyone who’s dating in today’s crazy world grew up with the media, and we’ve all been trained by decades of magazines, etc.. to go for “It celebrity couple" ... How often does someone fall in love at first sight with someone who looks like that? Oh … maybe a hundred times a day … and does that kind of attention (and stalking) breed heart, soul and rock solid character? Sadly, in my experience, I’d say it’s rare.
If you are waiting to fall in love with someone who grabs you visually from the get-go, you’re undoubtedly missing lots and lots (and lots) of far better partners than the ones who catch your eye right away. All that attention tends to breed entitlement and narcissism, and really who needs that?
Recent research delivers a powerful message to us, that time spent together can and often does impact romantic attraction.
Psychologists at the University of Texas in Austin conducted the study, measuring (in the article) the level of romantic attraction that students had for their fellow classmates. More specifically, what the researchers measured was the change in attraction over time, as the students got to know each other over the course of several months — interacting with each other in a small classroom environment.
The findings? The peers that students considered at the beginning of the school term to have the most romantic appeal were not necessarily in the “cream” that rose to the top several months later. In fact, the study revealed that the more time spent together, the greater the disparity between perceptions of who was hot and who was, in the end, not.
Today’s singles are ruthless in their superficiality, and apps like Tinder and Hinge only exacerbate the problem.
With these dating tools, the question as to whether someone is a “Keeper” or not is a decision made in a half a second. I do know couples who’ve met via Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, but mostly I see a big time sucker that leaves, both, men and women feeling empty, weary, dissatisfied and still alone on Friday nights (with their device, swiping left and right). The study showed that “slow love” happens more for women than it does for men, but not nearly a huge difference as we might think; 43 % of women and 33 percent of men reported that they have developed romantic attraction for and have indeed fallen in love with someone whom they had not initially deemed attractive.
Developing a case of “the attraction” over time most certainly DOES occur for today’s single romance seekers. In fact, it’s happening more now than ever, as the age at which today’s single men and women are coupling up continues to rise. And it’s a good thing that romantic attraction can and does develop over time — as let’s face it — for the vast majority of us, as we get older, our looks aren’t as likely to turn heads.
What do you think?
