So your wife would rather sleep than sleep with you, she’s not feeling your fantasies and she’s not into talking dirty anymore. While you might feel rejected, almost half of women experience sexual dysfunction at some point. More often than not, her lack of desire worries her just as much as it worries you. And when she’s consistently stressed over it, doctors call it hypoactive sexual desire disorder. It’s a real thing, fellas. Here’s what might be happening, and what you can do about it…
1. She’s simply exhausted. Physically, a lack of adequate sleep has the potential to elevate cortisol levels, which leads to low libido. So, sometimes, you may just need to let her rest and try again in the morning.
2. She’s post-menopausal. According to a survey several years ago that is supported by HealthyWomen Inc., nearly half of premenopausal women say they've experienced low sexual desire at some point. This is because their estrogen levels plummet both at menopause and in the years leading up to menopause—which may lead to vaginal dryness and pain. Solution: lube.
3. Her birth control pills are having adverse side effects. Birth control pills that contain high levels of estrogen and progesterone can increase globulin, a protein in the blood stream that binds with testosterone—one of the central hormones in desire—so there’s less of it circulating in the body. Also, some low-dose methods can make lubrication near impossible. So she might consider trying a different form of birth control.
4. She doesn’t feel sexy. Many studies have found a link between self-consciousness and increased sexual anxiety. Women who’ve reported low self-esteem have a hard time achieving climax because, rather than focusing on the intimacy, they’re worrying about their body. If that inhibits her ability to orgasm, there’s an inevitably decreased desire to have sex. Positive reinforcement and communication with your partner can only help.
5. You’re not satisfying her, dude. Speaking of orgasms, if you're failing at giving them, do your job right, and you might have better luck. (check out our "Better Sex" section for advice, Salty Vixen has a lot of articles about Oral and more!)
6. She has depression or anxiety. Up to 40 percent of women who’ve been diagnosed with hypoactive sexual desire disorder have also reported depression, according to the study Prevalence of Female Sexual Problems Associated with Distress and Determinants of Treatment Seeking. Plus, some medications commonly used to treat depression may also have an effect on libido. You’ll need to support her through these underlying issues before returning to hot sex.
7. She’s stressed. The body reacts to stress by releasing adrenaline and cortisol. Chronic stress, however, can interfere with the body’s hormone levels, which can throw her sexual energy for a loop. Plus, the arteries may narrow and restrict blood flow, which doesn’t help sexual dysfunction. Seeking counseling or talking through the various stresses (family, finances, etc.) can help clear her mind and get her in the mood more often.
