One of the more puzzling behaviors of the hot blooded male is his sudden disappearance (“pulling a Houdini”) and subsequent lack of future contact. Usually his later contact occurs the moment… no the very SECOND… that you’ve finally moved on and quit thinking about him.
Here are some of the reasons why guys pop up months later (sometimes years) after either a breakup or complete disappearing act.
1. He wants sex.
It’s a basic motivation, but it’s often easier for him to seduce someone he’s already been with than someone new. If he’s bored and wants to get some, you’re a potential possibility, especially if he can feel you out over text message from the comfort of his couch on Sunday night.
2. He had a random brain fart and wondered how you were.
Often his actions aren’t much more premeditated than a simple idle thought about you, then subsequent text message. He might say something funny or make an inside joke that you both shared.
For example, at one point I met this guy named Mike. In between non-love connection dates, Mike and I shared American Psycho jokes over text message. After a short time, he disappeared completely— only to reappear six months later with guess what… an American Psycho inside joke. It definitely wasn’t a love connection, so my best guess about why he popped up was that he wanted to see if in the game of dating, if I would even respond at all and… see reason number 1.
3. He’s looking for an ego boost.
If your breakup was one-sided, say, he knows that you wanted to keep the relationship going but he didn’t, it can simply feel good to call you and remind himself that someone (anyone) cares for him. This reason is usually subconscious and for sure, unflattering to you, but it’s a really common reason for a guy to pop up later.
4. Something reminded him of you.
You know how some song or smell will randomly remind you of an ex? This happens to everyone. Like an itch that needs scratching, something will make him think of you and then all of a sudden, there he is, saying “hey.. whats up?”
5. One of his friends asked about you.
Ever been out somewhere with a friend and out of the blue, they ask about your ex? Does this annoy you as much as it does me? It’s like,“gah, I just stopped thinking about him! Thanks so much!” (sarcasm intended). This also happens with family members, acquaintances you haven’t seen for a while, etc. It’s infuriating because it’s usually after you’ve really made an effort to exorcise your ex from your life.
6. He finished dating that other girl who he dumped you for.
This reason sucks, but it’s actually pretty common. Whether you had actual unfinished business or not, often a guy will circle back around to a lukewarm relationship after he gave someone else a try and it didn’t work out.
This happens most after the demise of a long-term relationship. After licking his wounds post-breakup, then doing his “triumphant” victory lap around the singles scene, it turns out to not be as glamorous as he had hoped. Once he realizes that “sowing his oats” wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be, he comes crawling back hoping for an ego boost or potential reconciliation.
7. You’re suddenly a challenge.
This is particularly likely if you’ve gone no contact or have been ignoring his communication. Like a puzzle waiting to be solved, if you’ve gone dark on him, he’ll want to break down the wall you’ve put up and see if he can get a response.
A sign he’s chasing is if he communicates with you, you respond, and he drops the communication completely all of a sudden. It’s frustrating and enough to drive you crazy wondering WTF. Another common time this happens is if you happened to be a little bit clingy during or after the breakup. Once you go completely no contact and go to great strides to forget about him, he wonders why, feels challenged and *poof* there he is again.
8. He genuinely wants you back.
If you want him back too… reuniting with him can be in your future. Wanting you back comes with some other signs I’ve talked about a bit, like remorse, wanting to discuss the breakup, and making an effort to get back in your good graces. This reason is last on the list for a reason, it’s the most tricky. A guy genuinely deciding mistakes were made and coming back involves a real leap of faith and bruises to the ego.
