I recently read Prince Harry’s book “Spare”. When I first heard the book was coming out, I mentally shutdown. What was Harry going to write about? Will he mention what happened on 25 July 2004 at Guards Polo Club, China White Polo After Party? I was there.
Was he going to mention what happened the evening of the opening of the Mamohato Children’s Centre in Lesotho, South Africa at the fire pit? I was there.
Thankfully he didn’t mention those things and those who want to know, I will tell you. On the evening of the opening of the Children’s Centre, Prince Harry yelled at me for accidentally breaking his wine glass that he left on the ground. To back up what happened, people were line dancing to Joss Stone singing her song (she is a beautiful singer) and when the music finished, we all went back to where we were sitting. I sat behind Harry.
As I was going back to my seat, I hear Harry yelling “WHO BROKE MY GLASS”. My heart was beating fast- I remembered , when I got up to dance, I remember the "Crunch" sound underneath my feet.
I was the one who broke it. Embarrassed, I apologized to him and he proceeded to shout at me.
I then said “I will buy you some wine at Val de Vie” he said “no thank you”.
and walked away and ignored me as well as others. He was in a bad mood and at the time, in my mind, it was my fault
The following day, we all flew to South Africa, to watch polo and join the charity dinner at Val de Vie Polo Club. While there, I did talk to him about his behavior as it did bother me.
Never in my life did I have anyone yell at me that way for an accident. I told him “Harry, that night, you had an assumption about who I was. You asked the polo player sitting next to you who I was and he said I am a fan (I was sitting behind you both). That is when your mood changed. You never asked me who I was, so you made an assumption. Then I accidentally broke your wine glass, which, the rules stated no outside food or drinks. Harry, I came to this charity event because I care about what the charity represents. I am a Patron and no fan of any famous person”
Harry apologized after that. The bottom line is this: Never judge a book by its cover and when it comes to rumors, best go to the source directly.
That was Trauma for me. What happened at China White Polo After Party? Well, that is something I will talk about it another time. I will say this, the headlines said that Prince Harry was the Party Prince. And it was a wild night but did Harry do the partying? no. He had fun like everyone and the Paparazzi man, came into the party without the green band that we all had to purchase. Paparazzi man took a bunch of photos and made a story out of it, didn’t matter how much truth or lies they were. The photos are what sells, right?
Trauma comes in many different forms and as an adult, in my 40s, something I have realized from my childhood, I never once opened up about the trauma. I was taught, shit happens and you have to move on instead of dwelling from it. Do people remember what they did to others? Especially the bullying 20+ years ago? Nope.
Here are some highlights of the trauma I had from my childhood:
- In middle school, someone wrote on the poster, with my name in capital letters, I should die. I am hated by everyone.
- I had a modeling job, my first one at a store called 5*7*9 and classmates came to my job and said “F*ck you and die”
- I was told I am an ugly dog in front of the entire 8th grade class
- Same person pulled a chair up from me in the band room as he sat behind me and I twisted my ankle as a result. Told the Principal and since this was the early 90s she told me that this is “your word against theirs, nothing we can do”
When I came to my high school years because of what happened in 8th grade, I became recluse. Whenever I opened my mouth to talk to people, I stopped thinking the word ‘hello’ was wrong to say.
Fast forward to England- the summer of 2004. I spoke about the name “Salty Vixen” came form I was a Vixen in a Salty Situation 18 June 2004 when I was sexually assaulted on a polo field at 10:45PM.
Fast forward to China White After Party (Cartier International Polo at Guards Polo Club), rumors were going on about the night I was sexually assaulted in the group. Several people in the group assumed the reason why I turned others down in the group was because I wanted that person (he isn’t a polo player that is all I will say). In fact one person, a polo player, who was my friend, promised to take me back to my hotel. I want to point out , there were no taxi services in 2004 (you would have thought there would be taxi service provided at a polo after party… but nope! also I want to point out that there is a photo of me dancing with Prince Harry that made the tabloids, he was taking to me, telling me to cheer up. Yep! That is when I first met him!)
The polo player in the group, heard the rumor lie and said “Sorry, Salty, I thought you wanted me but then I heard what you did with my mate. I am not driving you back, go find a ride with someone else”. I did and the guy nearly raped me (I kicked the dude in the nuts…)
You would think trauma would have stopped for that point on. Nope. I came back home and November 2004, ran into someone I grew up with. We made out in my car and because I turned him down for sex, the next day he told me that he only made out with me to give me what I have always wanted it. And I was to never speak to him again. He made me feel like I was ugly that I was one big joke.
Then I met my now ex husband. Had children but that marriage was abusive. I got out of it finally. But the trauma still didn’t stop. I reconnected with someone, who made me feel good but then I realized he was using me for a virtual plaything.
That was my breaking point. I told myself, I will NEVER. EVER. Let anyone treat me like this again. I became Salty Vixen. Salty Vixen means confidence, means beautiful, means sexy and also means smart.
As I finished Prince Harry’s book, I understood why he wrote it. He also had trauma that he didn’t address for a long time. In fact his book gave me peace and taught me to forgive the people who did what they did to me -as I grew from those life lessons. The only way to move past trauma is to forgive and grow from it.
I hardly doubt those people who caused me trauma in years past think about me. I am certain my name has never once crossed their minds in all these years so why did I dwell on it for so long?
Because I never used my voice. That is what happens when you have Trauma. That voice, becomes quiet. As time goes on, and having my own business, I have realized one thing:
I have become a Phoenix Rising from the Ashes. In Greek mythology, phoenix is a long-lived bird that cyclically regenerates or is otherwise born again. Associated with the sun, phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. Phoenix rises from the cloud of darkness, and from the sacred ashes of her honor. Great in fame as she was, before.
This expression symbolizes that he or she has arisen from flames as a
rebirth , beating all life challenges and defeating hard times. Therefore, phoenix is a symbol of rebirth from the ashes of the past.
Phoenix represents transformation, strength and renewal. In other words it represents something new that has been born from something that has been destroyed.
The lyrics (translated from Spanish to English is from La Reina del Flow “ Fénix” (Phoenix) - this song speaks to me.
Every wound that I carry from the past
It is a new weapon that I am preparing
I am the candle that burns
bird of fire born in sorrow
I am the new one, full of strength
I come from zero to touch the stars;
and I fly;Like a phoenix that arose from the fire; and I fly;Today what killed me yesterday makes me stronger
I am proud of my little business, that I started from nothing and I continue to rise like a Phoenix. Yes, we all go through trauma, and. I think in 2023 and beyond, we should speak up about it. so we can heal and move on.
Those who caused trauma to me, probably don't remember it and I want to heal and move on so I can forget it. Being Salty Vixen has taught me to grow from the trauma and forgive so I can rise like a phoenix from the ashes.
