Ok, guys out there? Stop asking us what we think about your dicks.
Yes it’s big enough, yes it feels good, yes it’s bigger than my ex-boyfriend’s (if saying that will make you to shut the hell up), yes I like it, NO I WON’T MEASURE IT FOR YOU, DIPSHIT.
I get the impression guys have a skewed sense of “average” when it comes to the length of their dicks. The guys who think their dicks are small ,are usually average, and the guys who think they’re huge are often “only” average. Like, do you really think you’re 8″ long, buddy?… uh, maybe if you measure from the bottom of your scrotum.
Average, average, average.
What exactly is average? I have read in multiple books and seen from plenty of personal experience that the average dick is 5 to 5.5″ (12 to 14 cm for all our foreign readers). I have seen very few that were less than 4″ or more than 8″ (10 to 20 cm).
Now it’s my turn to ask a question to our male readers out there: how many of you have ever measured the length of your dick? Come on, ‘fess up. Over half the guys I’ve been with have told me to the 1/4″ how long they were. WTF? Dude, that’s weird. Get your penis cooties off my ruler.
Let’s dispel a few myths here.
Generally speaking, race can be an indicator of dick size. Some races tend to run smaller or larger than others. In general. I have yet to meet a black guy who was hung like a horse–not that that stopped me from riding them cowgirl-style. So don’t assume one way or another just because a guy is a certain race.
You can’t tell how big a guy’s dick is by the size of his hands, the size of his feet, or his height. THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL HOW BIG HIS DICK IS UNLESS YOU REACH YOUR HAND DOWN HIS PANTS AND FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF.
Size doesn’t matter as much as you think it does. I’m not saying this to be nice (I’m not nice). I’m saying this because for the most part it’s true. It IS the motion of the ocean that really matters. What’s the point of having a big boat if you don’t know how to steer the fucking thing?
I’ve been with smallish guys who knew the right positions to get me off. Doggy-style in particular, if you’re wondering. And if you’re worried about him staring at the cellulite on your ass, get over yourself. Of all the many beautiful things on your body do you think he’s going to be paying any attention to cellulite?
I’ve also been with guys who were hung and assumed ipso facto they were good in bed. WRONG, MOTHERFUCKER. YOU MIGHT AS WELL STICK IT IN MY EAR FOR ALL THE GOOD YOU’RE DOING WITH IT.
Then there’s girth. Girth does not get nearly enough credit out there. Having wide girth (can’t reach all the way around when you grasp it) is, I must say, a little piece of heaven. Being narrow doesn’t necessarily work against you–some women prefer narrow dicks, especially if she is of a petite frame and most likely has comparable body parts.
Guys out there seem to be jealous of guys with big schlongs, but there’s a few truths you may not know about.
How likely is a woman to have anal sex with the average guy? Low.
How likely is a woman to have anal sex with a guy who’s well-endowed? Very very low. You’re better off getting her to stick a cucumber up her butt.
A big dick does not help your odds in the anal department.
Another little-known truth: many women (certainly not all) are intimidated as hell by a big dick. How the fuck is she supposed to perform fellatio on that big-ass thing? How is she supposed to let that thing near her, let alone inside her? Fuck, she may need to do a month of yoga before she’s ready for that.
Not to scare off the guys out there with big dicks. There are many women who delight in the challenge of a giant and tackle it with great enthusiasm. You may just have to exercise a bit of caution when it comes to initial penetration: make sure she has “loosened up” with your fingers already, and lube is a help as well. Anal sex is always possible, but that takes extra caution. And one helluva good woman.
What about dicks that curve to the left or right? Ok, granted it may look a little funny when out in the open air, but once you manage to maneuver it into the desired location it makes no difference.
What about dicks that curve up or down? This can work to your benefit, if you take advantage of the right positions for finding the sweet spot.
It is perfectly normal for dicks to curve in one direction, have a big head/ridge, have no ridge, whatever. It’s like boobs. Every woman is different. Part of the fun of getting underneath her clothes is to see how she’s different from all the others and what makes them so gosh darn fun to play with.
There are a few anomalies out there, I feel I must warn you. I once saw one that I swear to the goddess herself curved so so severely it formed a perfect semi-circle. Whoa. That was quite a maneuvering problem. But that’s the only dick in a sea of dicks that sticks out in my memory. What a fucked up sentence.
Now to address what all our male readers really want to know: How to make your dick look bigger. Without a $49.99 penis pump.
In all seriousness, if you trim or shave your pubic hair, it makes your dick look bigger. That’s the first thing guys always say when I finally talk them into taking scissors down the happy trail. Bonus: now you don’t have to worry about the other person stopping halfway through a blowjob because of a pubic floss problem.
To our “gentlemen” readers out there–stop asking us if your dick is big enough. Yes, it usually is. Now stop shooting yourself in the crotch by asking, because to do so is a sign of insecurity. Insecurity is not sexy. And it’s annoying to assure someone yes babycakes your dick is all I need.
It’s similar to a woman asking you “does this make me look fat?” Save yourself the trouble and don’t ask in the first fucking place.
As long as she’s grinding and moaning, you’re doing fine and that’s what matters.
