If you're single, I'm sure you'll often find during lonely times that your thoughts may stray to that one relationship that could have made it, but for whatever reason didn't. You know, the one where if you had just done "this or that" it could have been perfect. Many of us still have lingering doubts as to whether a break up was the right move in our own personal game of love. And if we weren't the one initiating the break up, we often hang on tenderly to the idea that a past flame will reconsider their romantic interest and desperately proclaim their stupidity and undying love. So, at what point do we learn to throw in the towel, move on and forget it or devotedly give love another try? Is there any truth to the saying that once free, if it's meant to be love will return? And, if it does return how do we know it's not a false alarm?
If you've found yourself caught in love's bemused path of deciding between getting back together or finally letting go, let these tips help guide your heart to making the best decision for you. Lasting relationships can be created from previous failures. You just need to make sure you're both going in the same direction. After answering these questions, you will know whether your heart is on the same page as your head…or not.
Note: You may want to write down the answers to these questions in a personal journal or on your computer for later reflection.
Have you personally handled the reason for the breakup? Do you know why you broke up? What has changed since the break up that no longer makes this reason a negative factor?
Have you come to terms with any ill feelings you felt for each other after the break up? Break ups can be harsh. If either of you did or said things in the heat of the moment, have you truly forgiven and forgotten? Has your ex?
Are you in a better position than you were before you broke up? The chances of a once-broken relationship staying together are greatly benefited by each person achieving their own personal goals or successes during their time apart. Realizing how well you are able to accomplish things on your own is a significant contribution to your personal self-esteem and leads to mutual respect that may not have been there before.
Have you both resolved past differences adequately? This doesn't mean one person settling so you can get back together. BOTH parties have to come to a real agreement or common ground for a future relationship to work. Remember, while you may have come to terms with the differences; has your ex?
Are you looking to get something back? Or, do you both realize that this new relationship is just that, new. You cannot turn back the hands of time. Your relationship at this stage will be different. People grow and you should treat each other with the respect that this type of change deserves.
Are you just looking for comfort? If you are terribly lonely, or just out of a break up, DO NOT get back together. Yes, relationships can be successfully forged with friendship and comfort as their major qualities, but do you really want to live a life of always wondering if there was something better out there?
Have you reconciled any disagreements that may result from family members' or friends' potential disapproval?
If after answering all of these questions honestly, and to your satisfaction, you do feel there could be potential with a past partner, remember to take it slow and enjoy the ride. Write a personal essay about what you want from life and how a future partner should fit into it. Whenever you feel your life going astray from your desires, look back over what you wrote, and figure out how to make changes to get back to your dreams and ideals.
XOXO,
